Cream Filled Chocolate Sandwich Cookies

Dear Readers, I need some advice.
There are few things I love more than cream filled chocolate sandwich cookies (CFCSC). Unfortunately, I am in a situation (let's call it a nasty stomach virus that I know will pass) where I could probably eat this treat but it would cause me, and everyone in my immediate vicinity pain. So I grudgingly agree to abstain and soon I forget about wanting them.

Along comes a box that appears to contain the best tasting CFCSC ever. Knowing that these special cookies probably wouldn't want to be responsible for making me sick, I tell the box about my tummy trouble. The CFCSC say "You're right, as much as I'd like to be consumed by you, I can't participate in something that's so unhealthy".
What??? I don't think I've ever come across a CFCSC that didn't hop right into my mouth as soon as I decided to eat it. So now I want the box even more. But the cookies are right, they would taste so much better once my stomach issues have been taken care of.

It's going to take a long time before I'm over this bug but if I just focus on how much better I will feel once it's gone, I'll be healthier and happier. The problem is that every now and then the box dances in front of me and says "Remember me? You can't have me yet but mmmm, I'm so yummy!" Occasionally, I'm the one to pull the cookies out. I'm not sure why. It's either to torture myself or to see if the box has changed it's mind.

I'm getting to a point where I'm starting to think that these may not just be any old CFCSC, they could actually be Oreos. Oh, how I love Oreos! But what if they aren't Oreos at all? What if they are Hydrox? Those are pretty damn nasty? What if they are Oreos but they get eaten before I get better? There's also the possibility that they never really wanted to be eaten by me in the first place, they just remind me of their yummyness because that's what cookies do.
Although, if I am able to be patient the CFCSC could turn out to be even more amazing than they seem. I may find out that are actually Candy Cane Joe Joe's (!) and of course they wanted to be eaten by me and no one else. Why wouldn't they? Then I can binge happily every after.

Sigh, why can't the Cream Filled Chocolate Sandwich Cookies just stay hidden in the damn pantry? Since they won't, what should I do?