Mental Vomit

• I'm tired of pretending.
• I want out.
• I want to be free.
• What does freedom mean? What does it look like? How does it feel?
• Why am I unhappy?
• Why is Hubby unhappy?
• Why does he pretend that this marriage doesn't suck?
• Why doesn't he want out?
• If I'm exactly where I need to be, why do I need to be here? What am I supposed to be learning?
• Why do women allow themselves to be so vulnerable? Why does caring for our children by being stay/work at home moms make us less likely to be able to take care of ourselves?
• Again, I am watching the person who is supposed to be responsible for this family self destruct.
• Can he/we hold on long enough for me to be able to take over that responsibility?
• Who am I? I've been asking that question for far too many years. Why don't I have a solid answer yet?
• I'm no longer a victim but I still feel vulnerable.
• I'm a mother but I feel so disconnected.
• I'm a wife but I don't want to be.
• I'm a doula but only till the end of the year.
• After that, I'll be a nursing student but is that really where I belong?
• I want to bake.
• I want to feed people and make them feel all warm and cozy inside. How do I do that and still take care of my responsibilities?
• Why am I still awake at almost 3am?