Madre de Muchos

What Does Your Anthem Sound Like?

2008-06-13T09:52:00.005-06:00

I know it's been a while since I've written anything of substance. Sorry about that. I feel like I have so much to get my readers (if I have any left) caught up on that I don't know where to start. Like I'm afraid I'll start typing and never stop because there's so much to tell, but then everyone would be confused because I'd be telling it all out of order and it would make no sense.

So today I'm just going to ask for some help. I'm working on playlist. I am going through some changes (nothing major, just growing) and I need some music that reminds me of my ability to stay strong and positive.
Some of my Soul Sisters have already introduced me to the first few songs on the playlist.
A friend/doula client played india.arie's Private Party at her empowering HBAC (home birth after cesarean). I fell in love with the lyrics:
I’m havin' a private party
Ain’t no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar singin’ baby look how far we’ve come here
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become

Then there's Exactly by Amy Steinberg. I can't tell you how many times these words have helped me stay calm during stressful times:
i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am surrendering so willingly
to be the perfect me inside this now
and truly how else could it be
destiny she blesses me

A beautiful midwife I know posted a cool song on her blog by Jill Scott called Hate on Me. I love her confidence and attitude when she sings:
Hate on me, hater
Now or later
‘Coz I’m gonna do me
You’ll be mad, baby
Go ‘head and hate
Go ‘head and hate on me, hate on
‘Coz I’m not afraid of it
What I got I paid for
You can hate on me

There's also Just Fine by Mary J Blige. There's no way you can be in a bad mood when you're singing along to:
No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I'm winning
It's been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right

Then there's a song by the Brazilian Girls which my Jane and the lovely MB introduced me to. It's a song that just makes me feel good (and laugh). I can't really post any of the lyrics, just in case my mom is reading.

So my friends, what songs brighten up your day, make you feel strong and powerful, or simply make you want to shake what yo' mama gave ya?

All He Had To Do Was Ask For Some Candy

2008-05-19T17:24:00.004-06:00

I guess he knew that my answer would have been "No."

The Boys always get a lollipop when they go to the barbershop. I'm assuming Thing 1 had a sweet tooth. He got a hold of Hubby's beard and mustache trimmer and did this...

I had hoped we could fix it and still save some of his hair until I saw this...
and this...
I knew there was no hope after looking at this...
Oh well, at least he has a nice round head.

He got his trip to the barbershop and his sucker.

5 Years ago today...

2008-02-22T12:02:00.012-07:00

I looked like this (actually imagine me 3 weeks bigger).

I was 34 weeks and 6 days into my final pregnancy. I had been having contractions off and on for a couple of weeks and had been to the hospital twice during that time. Both times I had been given a shot or two of terbutaline to make my contractions stop and was sent home to rest. When the contractions started up again on the afternoon of February 22, 2003 I took my "labor-stopping" pills, got in bed and waited for things to slow down. It didn't work. I called the doctor's office and was told to go to the hospital. I was convinced that we would just go get a shot and come right back home.

On the way to the hospital I decided to call my doula, just to give her a heads up. She was resting so I told her husband what was going on but since I was sure I was coming back home I figured I wouldn't disturb her. She called me back right away and asked the question that I now ask every one of my doula clients when they are (or think they are) in labor, "Do you feel like you need me?" For some reason (it must have been intuition) I said yes and asked her to meet us at the hospital. On the way there I noticed that the contractions were 4-5 minutes apart and I was starting to have to breath through them. I still thought I'd be home in time for dinner. Thing One and Thing Two had other plans.

Here is the rest of the story as told by my fabulous doula.

Dear Thing One and Thing Two,

Here is what happened on the day that you were born. I am the doula that had the privilege of being with your parents at your arrival. It all started when Mommy called to tell me that she was experiencing contractions again. She was already on bed rest and terbutaline. The contractions were consistent enough for Mommy to call and give me a heads-up. I was actually resting and Mommy let me sleep and left a message with my husband. I awoke to him telling me what was going on so I quickly called Mommy. She said that they needed to head over to the hospital to get checked out and that she was hungry. We talked about how once she gets to the hospital, she couldn't eat, and to do what she felt was right. So, as Daddy went through a drive in, Mommy got some food.

We all arrived at the hospital around 4:00pm. K was our fun nurse who enjoyed giving Mommy a hard time. First it was, "Why have a doula for a cesarean?" Then, "Why didn't you take more of the terbutaline?" Lastly, "Why did you eat on your way to the hospital?!" It didn't take Mommy long to realized the humor in everything she said. She checked the cervix and we were all surprised to hear that the cervix was already 4-5 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced. It was time for the two of you to be born today!

Everyone was in a bit of shock, especially Mommy. She really didn't think your birthday was going to be for another week or so. Nurse K prepared the chart and Mommy for the upcoming births. We actually had quite a few visitors too. Aunt R had Cousin J in the waiting room, Aunt J and Uncle M, with Granny, and Grandma and Papa watched your brother and sister. It actually was a pretty fun couple of hours as we anticipated meeting the two of you.

Dr. H came in and did a quick ultrasound to confirm your transverse presentations. He was very kind and soothing. Dr. Y the anesthesiologist introduced himself and explained his role. C came on at 7:00 to be our nurse and it was soon time to go to the OR. At 8:00pm Mommy was wheeled back to the OR as the family waived from the waiting room. C stayed with Mommy as Dr. Y administered
the medication while Daddy and I looked in the window. Once Mommy was settled, we took our places by Mommy's head.

Before we knew it, Thing One was born at 8:21pm, weighing in at 5 pounds 4 ounces and 18 inches long. Thing Two was one minute later at 8:22, weighing in at 5 pounds 8 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long. You were both so cute. Thing One made more noise than Thing Two who was just trying to figure out what had just happened. The nurses brought you to Mommy for a few minutes and then you were taken to the nursery for observation. You both were doing great.

After meeting your parents while Mommy was pregnant with Girl Thing, I looked forward to working with them at some time. It really was a joyful time with many giggles. Mommy was so brave and did beautifully. Daddy did his best to keep everyone smiling and it worked! It truly was a joy for me to be a part of this wonderful celebration. Thank you for letting me be a part of your birth-day.

Love,

Doulala's Doula

Biblical Twin Birth

2008-01-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

My mother called me today to ask me to explain this scripture to her.
Genesis 38:27-30. It says:
27 Now it developed that in the time of her giving birth, why, here there were twins in her belly. 28 Further, it turned out that when she was giving birth one extended his hand, and the midwife at once took and tied a scarlet piece about his hand, saying: “This one came out first.” 29 Finally it developed that as soon as he drew back his hand, why, here his brother came out, so that she exclaimed: “What do you mean by this, that you have produced a perineal rupture for yourself?” Hence his name was called Pe′rez. 30 And afterward his brother upon whose hand the scarlet piece was came out and his name came to be called Ze′rah.

I can't picture this birth. Baby A's hand came out (and was out long enough to have something tied around it), he drew it back then Baby B was born, causing the mom to tear?
I told her it couldn't happen. I also told her to keep in mind that the book of Genesis was written by a man. My mother reminded me of the scripture that says "All Scripture is inspired of God", meaning that since God inspired Moses to write about this birth, it must have happened. I still believe this is physiologically impossible.
Any birth professionals out there who can make sense of this one for me?

Seven Things

2007-12-07T20:27:00.000-07:00

The Beautiful Brooke tagged me over a week ago. I've been so lazy about posting that I'm just now getting to this. I am supposed to name seven weird or random things about myself.
I think this will be tough because I am an open book, I guess that leads me to the first random thing.
1. I get off on people knowing me well.
I guess I figure if other people know me inside and out, the more likely they'll be to help me figure out who I really am.

2. I graduated from high school when I was 16.
I skipped Kindergarten (started first grade when I was 5). When I was in 3rd grade we moved & the new school felt that I was too young to be in 3rd so I was sent back to 2nd grade. After repeating 2nd grade the school realized they made a mistake so they put me in 4th grade. I blame never finishing 3rd grade for the fact that I'm not smart anymore.

3. I can't stand cottage cheese or ricotta.
There's something about the lumpy, clumpy texture that just makes me want to puke. I also can't stand cold salads made with foods that are supposed to be eaten warm (potato salad, macaroni salad or any other pasta salad, egg salad. BLECH!)

4. I love creativity.
The people I admire most each have at least one or more artistic talent. (writing, singing, playing an instrument, designing, sewing, crafting, acting, dancing, speaking more than one language, being an educator) . I often wish that I can be more like them. I try to surround myself with creative people, secretly wishing that I will somehow soak up some of their creativity.

5. I style my hair with conditioner. That's it.
It took me years to figure out how to keep my curly hair manageable. A few years ago I left conditioner in my hair after a shower and I loved how it kept my curls from frizzing. Since then that's pretty much all I do, take a shower, brush my hair out, put conditioner in it & let it air dry. Simple.

6. I go over my cell phone minutes every month.
No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to use less than 1500 minutes a billing cycle. That doesn't even count the amount of time I'm on my home phone. I love to talk. My mom has a picture of me at a year old, with a toy phone to my ear dragging it around the house (I don't think cordless phones were invented back then. Thank goodness somebody came up with them). Who could have guessed that I would still have a phone to my ear most of the time.

7. I can't stand the sound of AM radio.
It drives me nuts and I don't know why.

Whew, that was tough. If I remember the rules of this meme correctly, I'm supposed to tag 7 other people. Since I'm so late at doing this and most of the bloggers I know have already done this, I'm not going to follow the rules.

Anything else you'd like to know?

Why Do They Insist On Torturing Me?

2007-11-02T12:23:00.000-06:00

This is my favorite time of year, partly because I love all things pumpkin. Unfortunately, because of my gall bladder issues I had to give up Starbucks. This means no Pumpkin Spice Lattes for me. It makes me sad every time I think about it.
On top of giving up Starbucks (and the Gingerbread Latte that will also be coming out soon), I've now been advised by my acupuncturist to give up dairy, sugar, and cold foods and drinks. This means giving up one of my favorite things in the whole wide world, ice cream.
I haven't been doing such a good job at this no sugar, no dairy thing. I've actually been behaving like one of the Things, doing the exact opposite of what I've been told to do. This last Saturday Little Bit bought me a couple of loaves of sweet bread (one lemon poppyseed & the other blueberry) . They were both gone by Wednesday, and I didn't share much with my family. Last night I met with a client and we shared a Pizza Cookie.
A 1/2 pound of Chocolate Chip, White Chocolate Macadamia Nut, or Peanut Butter Chocolate cookie dough, slightly baked in a 6-inch pizza pan then topped with 3 scoops of vanilla bean ice cream. Ours was half peanut butter, half chocolate chip.
After eating such a yummy dessert and having a tummy ache for the rest of the night, I decided that I was going to start taking my care provider's advice seriously. I decided to kick my sugar habit once and for all.
I woke up determined to behave but when I opened my email I saw this:

This description followed:

Doulala,

Sadly, thousands of pumpkins are destroyed and wasted each November. And for what? Distance. We're talking about the new cruel "sport" of Punkin Chunkin, whereby people build highly powered machines, such as catapults, to see who can hurl pumpkins the farthest (yes, we're serious). Barbarians! Well guess what, Chunkers?! We built a machine, too! It's called a Blizzard® machine! And it blends pumpkin pie with creamy DQ® vanilla soft serve to make the delicious Pumpkin Pie Blizzard® Treat! Now the DQ® Blizzard of the Month! In our opinion, no other machine in the world can beat it. Well, maybe the space shuttle. Maybe.

That is, if space shuttles could make DQ Blizzard Cakes! This month, try the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard Cake. It's our Pumpkin Pie Blizzard layered with creamy DQ vanilla soft serve and irresistible pie crust pieces. Perfect for Thanksgiving or any other occasion.

and then they included this:

How could they do this to me? Not only do they put two of my
favorite things together but they also tempt me with a coupon???
Maybe that's what I get for being part of the DQ Blizzard Fan Club.

I Can't Get The Doobie Brothers Out of My Head

2007-11-01T23:11:00.000-06:00

It keeps you runnin', yeah it keeps you running...

I must be nuts! I let someone convince me to do a 10K run that is just 10 days away. What in the world was I thinking??? That is 6.2 miles! I am in such trouble! I haven’t taken training for this seriously enough. I have been running 3 miles at least twice a week, sometimes 3 times a week for the last few months. “If you can run 3 miles regularly, you can run 6, no problem”. This is what my whack job of a friend said to me to convince me to sign up, and I believed him. The problem is I run those 6-9 miles per week on a treadmill, which I am now learning is much different than running outside, on pavement.

Yes, I am nuts!

Yesterday I ran 2 miles (on the treadmill) , then boxed for a half an hour, then ran another 2 miles (one on the treadmill and one around the track). Surprisingly, I feel fine today. I boxed again today but didn’t run because I had to watch Jane’s girls for her (Thanks for getting me out of running Jane!). I am supposed to somehow run 5 miles on Saturday and then next week a friend of mine is going to help me train so that I can run 6 miles by next Sunday. Yeah, right! I’m going to go from running 3 miles, (occasionally 4) to running 6 miles in less than 10 days.? Dear readers, you should start saying your goodbyes now. Anyone want to volunteer to help Hubby raise the Things?

The only thing that might save me is that I am on call for two mamas right now. Maybe I’ll get called to a birth! November 11^th sounds like a wonderful day to have a baby, don’t you think?

NaBloPoMo???

2007-10-31T18:13:00.000-06:00

The reason I started this blog was because I wanted to start writing more. I am surrounded by wonderful women who seem to have a gift for making written words dance and sing. I have a gift of gab. I can talk all day long but I don't enjoy writing, even though I really want to. I want to be able to write as much well as I talk. I want people who read my writing to know me as well as the people I talk to do.
I'm really tempted to try this because I'm the type of person who needs outside motivation to do things. For example, I need an appointment with someone to make myself go to the gym. I needed a friend to convince me to sign up for a 10K to make me get serious about running (which really isn't working but that's a whole other post waiting to happen). I need to invite people over in order to get motivated to clean my house (I really enjoy having a clean house so I must do more inviting).
On the other hand, it seems quite silly to commit to blogging everyday for 30 days when I average about 3 blog posts a month. Someone like me should probably set smaller goals like blogging once or twice a week for a year (or maybe for a month).

Maybe I'll do NaBloPoMo or maybe I'll fail miserably. If I fail, it's not like anyone will think less of me, anyone besides myself.

Do You Ever Feel Like Wearing A Sign?

2007-10-28T17:38:00.000-06:00

Thing 1 and Thing 2 are finally civilized enough to take out in public without me having to worry about being utterly embarrassed by their behavior. On Friday I happened to be feeling like a nice mommy so I agreed to take all the Things to Jamba Juice after I picked them up from school. We placed our order for 2 Power sized Peanut Butter Moo'ds, substitute strwaberries for peanut butter, with immunity boosts, split into 5 cups. It's a yummy chocolate, strawberry & banana treat.
As we were waiting for our drinks, I noticed a woman staring at us. I'm used to people looking at us when we are out in public but this woman was studying us. She kept looking at each Thing, then at me, then from Thing to Thing, over and over again. She was so busy scrutinizing my family that she didn't even notice that I was watching her do this. I almost wanted to ask her if she had any questions.

Maybe I should make it easier for people by wearing a sign that says:

Yes, they are all mine (even the pale, blondish one)!
They are bi-racial.
Two of them are twins. Nope, not that boy & the girl. The two younger boys.
Yes, I realize that one of the twins is much taller than the other.
The oldest boy is 10, the girl is 6 and the twins are 16 months younger than she is.
Yes I have my hands full and yes, I'm done.
Any other questions???

Do you think a sign like that would have stopped that woman from staring?

My favorite part of the Jamba Juice trip was the man who commented "It looks like a school bus!", as I was rounding all the kids up into the van.
Do people really think these kinds of comments are cute?

She's One Of The Many Reasons I Run

2007-10-17T22:07:00.000-06:00

My Aunt left me this amazing comment in my Running for Life post that I had to delete because she had a few personal details that I'd rather not have on my blog. Her words were so beautiful that I had to repost them (an edited version).

I think it's time to make sure my wonderful, generous, and so full of love niece/sistah knows how much I appreciate and love her. Doulala, as I'm sure everyone who knows her is aware, is an unbelievable support system. Most times, before you even know you "need" she is there offering to help. We have a special relationship - always have. Even though I told her she looked like a monkey when she was little! From diagnosis to today, Doulala (and all her "things") have taken care of me and allowed me to basically take over their home (her poor husband!). As only "Aunties" can do - I had those "things" in boot camp! Hey I was bored and on drugs. At times they asked me, "when are you going home?" But, with love...it was all with love! Doulala...thank you for ALWAYS being strong for me when I wasn't able to be strong for myself. I love you ding dong...

You are always welcome, my wonderful (but crazy) Sister/Auntie! I love you too!

Get Movin' iMix

2007-10-01T10:29:00.000-06:00

For some reason iTunes didn't include all of the songs on my play list but here's most of them.

Music That Gets Me Movin'

2007-09-30T15:48:00.000-06:00

I went to a club last night with a couple of girlfriends and had a blast. A lot of the music they played is also on my workout play list. I never knew that my music tastes were still cool and current in some circles.
I was reading Fat Lady's blog today and noticed that she's sharing the music that she moves to so I figured I'd share mine too.
I have about 60 songs on this list that I shuffle through when I'm working out or cleaning the house. Here they are listed in alphabetical order by artist. Keep in mind that the stuff that gets me moving isn't always the type of music I listen to on a day to day basis.

Get Me Bodied(extended mix) Beyonce
Beautiful Liar Beyonce & Shakira
Let's Get Retarded Black Eyed Peas
Shut Up Black Eyed Peas
Hey Mama Black Eyed Peas
Pump It Black Eyed Peas
Boogie Oogie Oogie Brooke Valentine
Ain't No Other Man Christina Aguilera
Candyman Christina Aguilera
One Two Step Ciara featuring Missy Elliot
Brick House Commodores
Gasolina Daddy Yankee
Impacto(remix) Daddy Yankee
Independent Women pt.I Destiny's Child
Bootylicious Destiny's Child
Party(Up in Here) DMX
Let's Grove Earth Wind & Fire
Pintame Elvis Crespo
Suavemente Elvis Crespo
Tambourine Eve
Make Me Better Fabolous featuring Ne-Yo
Rockafeller Skank Fatboy Slim
Fergalicious Fergie
Here I Come Fergie
Hollaback Girl Gwen Stefani
Tipsy J-Kwon
Tell Me 'Bout It Joss Stone
SexyBack Justin Timberlake
The New Workout Plan Kanye West
American Woman Lenny Kravitz
Are You Gonna Go My Way Lenny Kravitz
Get Low Lil Jon & The East Side Boys
Control Myself (Joe Bermudez Tantric Experience) LL Cool J & Jennifer Lopez
I'm Bad LL Cool J
Mama Said Knock You Out LL Cool J
Move Somethin' LL Cool J
Headsprung (radio version) LL Cool J
Ruffneck MC Lyte
We Run This (Stick It Edit) Missy Elliot
Shake Ya Tail Feather Murphy Lee
Hot In Herre Nelly
Move Ya Body Nina Sky
Oye Mi Canto N.O.R.E.
Nasty Girl Notorious B.I.G.
Slam Onyx
Hey Ya OutKast
Can I Have It Like That Pharrell featuring Gwen Stefani
Culo Pitbull
Buttons Pussycat Dolls
Don't Cha Pussycat Dolls
C'mon N' Ride It (The Train) Quad City DJ's
Shut Up and Drive Rihanna
Get Busy Sean Paul (the remix is good too)
We Be Burnin' Sean Paul
Mas Que Nada Sergio Mendes
Hips Don't Lie Shakira
Big Things Poppin' (Do It) T.I.
Square Biz Teena Marie
Lean Back Terror Squad
Give It To Me Timbaland feat Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado
Switch(reggae remix) Will Smith
I Got It From My Mama Will.I.Am

I hope you enjoy working out or just shaking your booty to these tunes. Please feel free to add to my list. I am always looking for music to keep me motivated.

Duh!

2007-08-31T16:07:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I was having a temporary identity crisis. As I was thanking my friends for reminding me that my blog name really fits I had an "Aha" moment.
Not only am I a mother of many children, but I'm a doula. What do doulas do? They mother mothers. I have mothered many women in my life as a doula. Of course the name Madre de Muchos fits.
Silly me!

What's In a Name?

2007-08-30T18:05:00.000-06:00

Many years ago, around the time that Girl Thing was born, I used to post on various forums. I had just become a SAHM and was really into the whole "being a mom is my identity" thing. I thought that Madre de Dos was a cool username. Eventually people on the boards just started calling me Madre (I sometimes wonder if they realized that they were calling me "Mother"). Fast forward 9 months to when I found out I was pregnant again. Alarmed by the fact that we were adding two more people to our family, I changed my name to Madre de Mas Y Mas. When the twins were born I settled on Madre de Muchos because that's how I felt, like I was a mother of (way too) many.
I am beginning to realize that, even though I feel like I am inundated with children, I really don't have that many. I look at some of my fellow birth workers who have 5, or 8, or even 11 children, or I read blogs by people like Swistle, and I start to wonder if this blog really deserve the name I've given it. I mean if I'm Madre de Muchos what the heck do you call someone like Michelle Duggar?

What do you think? Am I due for a name change? Feeling like I have a whole lot of kids has been part of my identity for so long, it's weird to realize that the name really doesn't fit.

Breast Awareness

2007-08-27T18:06:00.000-06:00

Last week my aunt had her lumpectomy. Thing 1 and Thing 2 wanted to know why Auntie couldn't come over. I told them that she was in the hospital having a lump removed from her breast. They made the appropriate sounds, serious "ohs" and "mm hmms", as I did my best to give the 4 year old version of breast cancer. Just when I was starting to think that I had such intelligent and sensitive little boys and that I had done a wonderful job explaining the situation, Thing 1 asked me "Where is her breast?" I pointed to mine and said "Right here" (surprised that all this time they didn't really know what I had been talking about) Thing 2 said "You mean her boobs?!"
"Yes." I said, and they both screamed "Eeeew!"

Later that day they decided to tell their sister all about it. I'm not sure exactly what was said but I heard bits and pieces about her tummy getting bigger and bigger. Finally, Girl Thing said " Mom, what are the twins talking about?!" Original Thing tried to clarify by saying " She had something in her that was making her sick and the doctor had to take it out." Girl Thing asked where and I said "In her breast". She gasped "You mean where she makes milk for her babies?!?!"

At least she knows what they're called and more importantly, what they are for.

Breathe or Blog?

2007-08-27T09:43:00.000-06:00

Because the month of August has been unusually hectic, my poor blog has been neglected. I've barely had time to breathe, let alone blog. OK, that isn't really true, I've found time to read other blogs. Reading doesn't require the energy that writing does. Reading the words of others helps me relax, writing makes me think to much.
Three of the four Things started school this month. Original Thing and Girl Thing started on the 1st. They started a new school that I am pretty happy with. Thing 2 started his second year of preschool on the 13th. Thing 1 will start preschool later this week or next Tuesday. They will both be in Special Needs Preschool for speech therapy. They were evaluated last year and Thing 2's speech delay was much more pronounced than Thing 1. I asked the school district to reevaluate Thing 1 a few weeks ago and they determined that he barely qualified but that he could benefit from preschool as well. So now they will both be in school but in separate classes. Thing 1 will go in the mornings and Thing 2 in the afternoons.
The day after Thing 2 started school, we moved. We've been looking for a bigger place for a while now but of course I didn't start packing until everything fell into place. We found a house that is just a mile from where we used to live. It's much bigger and will cost us a lot less monthly. We found it 10 days before we moved so everything was last minute. We are adjusting to being in a new place and trying to find time to clean out/up our old house.
The new house is almost perfect. The only problem is the people who lived here before us must have had a cat. My house smells like cat pee! The carpet was cleaned right before we moved in but the smell was still there. I tried this, this, and this but the last two only seemed to make the house smell worse. I even bought several Method Aroma Pills (mmm, the cut grass fragrance is nice, and was on clearance at Target). I think the carpet just needs to be replaced. My mother in law bought me a black light so that I can find the source of the nasty smell. Now all I have to do is find something to get rid of it, something that actually works.
In between the move and the children starting school, I have been attending more than my usual amount of births and going on interviews like crazy. I am a 1 (2 at the most) birth a month kind of doula. I had 2 August clients and 2 September clients. So far 1 of my August clients gave birth (my first twin mama!) , both of my September clients had their babies (one was 5 weeks early) and my last August client's due date was last Wednesday.
Hopefully I will make the time to blog about these births. I have lots of thoughts about them. I have learned so much from these women and their experiences.
Girl Thing was also in a pageant this past weekend. Yes, one of those. Sigh, I feel a bit of shame every time I tell someone about it. That whole experience is definitely a blog post waiting to happen.
Wow, I feel like I'm talking to a friend I haven't seen in a long time. I've got so much to talk about. I'm looking forward to finding my inner writer again and keeping my readers (if I have any left) updated.

Running for Life

2007-07-21T12:47:00.000-06:00

And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more
- Melissa Etheridge

I have always been a supporter of Breast Cancer Awareness. I wear a really cool BCA blinkie in my email's signature line that looks something like this,

I have some really comfy pink ribbon shoes that I wear to births.
I've purchased pink measuring cups & spoons as well as a "Pink Plaid" cookbook so I can Cook for the Cure.
Last year I put together a team for my local Birth Network to walk/run in the Komen Race for the Cure.
Over the years I have known friends and other families whose lives have been affected by this disease. This year it hits much closer to home.
A few weeks ago I found out that my aunt, who is more like my sister, has breast cancer. None of my advocating for awareness, having pink ribbons painted on my toenails, drinking out of pink ribbon water bottles, wearing pink ribbon jewelry, not even eating the pink M&Ms prepared me for how it felt to get that news.
I can't think of the right word to describe the feeling. The best I can come up with is "heavy". It's a lot more intense than when my friend had breast cancer. It's even more intense than when a good friend of the family's mother died from it. It feels a lot more personal.
When my aunt told me I immediately started thinking, "Oh my goodness, I need to take care of her!" My favorite way to take care of people, other than supporting them in labor, is feeding them. I started thinking up all these healthy menus, full of cancer fighting foods. I even promised to be her personal chef. The only problem is that she lives almost an hour away and as Hubby gently pointed out, I'm barely cooking meals for my family of 6 (It's just too dang hot!).
I'm still trying to figure out how I can get her to eat better. She has always eaten like crap (and still manages to be super skinny, I think I hate her) and she is preparing to take the bar by studying every waking hour(she graduated from law school a couple of months ago) which doesn't leave much time for meal preparation or eating.
My other reaction to this news feels a bit selfish. I can't help but think that now that there's breast cancer in the family my mother and I are in the "higher risk" category. I'm going to have to pay closer attention to taking care of myself (and getting my mother to take better care of herself).
My aunt has a big fight ahead of her and I'm going to do my best to support her. I am also going to continue supporting companies and organizations that are committed to fighting this disease.
Our Birth Network has a team again for this year's race. Last year we had 24 members. This year I hope to have at least 50. We've also set a goal of raising at least $1500.
There's been a lot of talk in blogland about doing the Couch to 5K program. I started a couple of weeks ago to get ready for this year's race. Find out if your area has a race coming up and sign up. This is an excellent way to get yourself moving and help out a great cause. I hope lots of you sign up for the race, donate some $$$, or click on some of the links I've posted so you can purchase something that gives back to the cause.

A Lot Like Singing in the Shower

2007-07-02T21:09:00.000-06:00

The other day we were in the van on our 90 minute car ride home from my MIL's house. We were blasting the Dreamgirls soundtrack (after jammin' to Stevie Wonder, Earth Wind & Fire, and KC & the Sunshine Band). All of a sudden Girl Thing says, "I sing really good in my head, just not out loud."

I'm In Repair...

2007-06-21T18:34:00.000-06:00

...I'm not together but I'm getting there.
John Mayer

Some of you know that I've been working on losing weight since early March. I'm trying to get down to around 140 or a comfortable size 8.
Six months after the twins were born I weighed more than 200 pounds. I was a mother of four, 29 years old and overweight. I set a goal of losing 50 pounds before I turned 30. I wound up losing 60. The first 30 came off just by changing my eating habits. I had to get my butt in the gym to lose the rest.
Unfortunately once I reached my goal I stopped working as hard. I slowly added Oreo Blizzards back in my life & stopped going to the gym. To my surprise, the weight stayed off. Woo hoo! I could eat what I wanted and be a lazy bum (as lazy as 4 children would allow).

Then I weaned the twins. Slowly but surely my weight crept back up. By February of this year I was back up to 167 and spilling out of and over the top my size 10 jeans (I had no business still trying to squeeze into those pants).
So now I'm back to eating right, going to the gym, and doing my best to resist the call of Dairy Queen (have you seen June's Blizzard of the month? Waffle pieces, chocolate chunks and caramel, YUM!). Doing all of this has helped me drop 15 pounds and fit in my size 10s comfortably (sometimes they are even a little loose).

I've had 2 births this past week so I've been slacking on my work outs, and not eating the greatest. It's hard to eat right when you're up in the middle of the night supporting someone in labor for hours and hours. It's also hard not to give in to your cravings for ice cream when it's 110 degrees outside. I've tried June's Blizzard at least three times this month.
Today I was in a hurry and pulled on a pair of jeans. They were unusually snug and my first thought was "Ok, these are fresh out of the dryer, no big deal". As I rushed out the door I realized I couldn't move real well in theses jeans and I had a serious muffin top (more like a big ole' inner tube). I started getting seriously depressed. I couldn't believe that just a few days away from the gym and a Blizzard or two or three could make my comfortable, almost loose jeans impossibly ill-fitting.
Suddenly I remembered that some of my jeans from two years ago were in the same drawer as the ones I wear on a regular basis. I found a bathroom so I could check out the tag. Lo and behold, I was wearing a size 8! Suddenly I went from being depressed to being excited! I could actually pull on, button and zip an 8! I still have a way to go before they will be comfortable but I'm getting there.
Whew!

50 First Dates

2007-06-17T23:18:00.000-06:00

I attended my first birth as a doula in August of 2004. Today was my 50th time assisting a mom in labor and getting to be one of the first people to meet a brand new life. I met a beautiful little boy who's name totally fit him. It was a relatively short labor for a first time mom, just a little over 12 hours from the time her contractions woke her up until her boy was born. M was the epitome of a birth warrior. I always marvel at how women can be so powerful but extremely vulnerable at the same time. It's an amazing thing to see.
I love my job!

My Heart is Heavy

2007-06-16T16:15:00.000-06:00

It's amazing how connected we can feel to people we meet in "Blogland".
I met Kate while she was pregnant with her twin boys. Being a fellow mother of twin boys, I immediately felt a connection. It also helped that she was friends with some of my soul sisters (Jeanette, Leigh and MB).
I laughed and nodded my head when she wrote about the crazy things people say to you when you are expecting twins. I could totally relate when she described her uncertainty of becoming a mother to two more little boys. I was shocked and worried when I read about her boys being born much too soon. I followed every post she wrote describing the joys and fears of being a mom to Liam and Ben .
She is a wonderful writer. She is so open when she writes. Her writing makes you feel like you are listening to a close, personal friend. She has such an incredible gift.

Yesterday she lost one of her gifts. My heart hurts for her. In all her sadness she was still able to share her gift with the rest of us. She is my hero.

From the Mouths of Babes

2007-05-26T08:54:00.000-06:00

Thing 2: Where are we going Mommy?

Me: To Leigh's house.

Thing 1 and Thing 2: Why?

Me: I'm going to make a cast of her belly.

Thing 1 and Thing 2: Why?

Me: Because she as a baby in there and...

Thing 2: When is her baby gonna come out, Mommy?

Me: I'm not sure.

Thing 1: When it's ready. Her baby is gonna come out when it's ready, right Mommy?

Exhausted

2007-05-23T14:41:00.000-06:00

After a jam packed day of running errands and hitting the gym yesterday, I left the house around 3pm to go to a birth. I got home from the birth at 5:30 this morning. Of course I haven't been able to get more than a couple of hours of sleep thanks to Thing 1 and Thing 2.
The birth went well. It was another VBAC (yipee!) I will write more about it after I've had some rest (and after I finally post the rest of the first VBAC story I started writing about).
It doesn't look like I'll be resting anytime soon. I'm supposed to be doing a belly cast for my darling friend Leigh today, and then heading up North to see my Mother in law. I have an all day Birthing from Within class I am supposed to attend tomorrow so the Things and I are gonna spend the night at her place. My Mother in law lives 90 minutes away but they haven't seen her in a while and she's one of the few people who can handle all four of the Things for more than a couple of hours. I'm so tired, I'm not sure if I can make the drive. I wonder if I should just wake up at the crack of dawn and drive up there in the morning. Ugh, that probably won't work. Maybe I should just get off of the computer and make Thing 1 and 2 take a nap with me.
Yep, that sounds like the perfect plan.

Snake in the Grass!

2007-05-16T00:13:00.000-06:00

More like snake in my house!!! UGH, I'm still all freaked out by it!
When Hubby got home this evening I left the Things in his care and went off to a prenatal visit with my new doula client. After that, I had a present for Jane so I stopped by her house to give it to her and then headed to Costco. From there I went to a smaller grocery store to pick up a few items that I either couldn't find at the warehouse store or I just don't need in bulk. Hubby called me on the way home and asked me to pick up something from Wendy's for him. After doing the gathering for my little tribe I headed home, anxious to put the food away, eat the side salad I got myself and go to bed. As I was turning on my street I got a call from another doula's client. She couldn't get a hold of her doula and she just needed to talk. She was 42 weeks yesterday and she is starting to worry that her body doesn't work properly. We talked a bit, I listened to her worries, told her to drink some tea, take a deep breath and rest up tonight (I really feel that she'll be in labor tonight or tomorrow). As we were chatting I pulled into my driveway and saw what looked like a snake but it didn't concern me because Thing 1 had been playing with his sister's toy snake earlier today. I figured he dropped it over the balcony and I would pick it up in the morning.
I finished my conversation, took some groceries in the house, kicked off my shoes and asked Hubby to help me finish bringing the stuff in. As we were making our second trip from the car to our house, he stopped in his tracks and said something like "Oh Sh*t, a snake!" At first it didn't dawn on me that he was looking in the direction of our front door and not in front of his car where I originally saw the "toy". I was about to laugh at him for being scared by a toy until I saw the snake slither it's way into our home.
Of course I screamed, not caring if I disturbed the neighbors. I ran back to the car, got in and shut the door. Knowing that Hubby is more afraid of snakes than I am, I wondered what he would do to get rid of the critter. I got back out of the car to check on his progress.
Original Thing and Thing 1 were sleeping but Thing 2 and GirlThing ran out to see what was going on. Hubby ordered them to get out of the house via the back door. The more obedient of the two, Girl Thing, ran outside crying because she couldn't understand why Hubby was yelling at her to get out. Thing 2 practically walked right into the snake as he walked closer and closer to Hubby, trying to figure out why he was at the front door, in his boxers, yelling with a golf club in his hand. Finally he looked down, saw the snake, started screaming and ran out the back door too.
I gathered the two of them up and we locked ourselves in the car, leaving Hubby to slay the dragon all on his own.
Poor guy, I didn't really know how much he hates snakes until I peeked out the window and saw him pounding and pounding the reptile into the ground. Finally, using two golf clubs and a floor scraper, he killed the snake and got it into a garbage bag. Once we had been given the all clear, the kids and I got out of the car. Hubby and I finished putting the groceries away and put the kids to bed.
Unfortunately, we are both too creeped out to sleep. I keep wondering what would have happened if he hadn't noticed the snake going into our house! Yikes!
I have lived in this state for 17 years and I've never seen a snake outside of a confined setting. I'm assuming it was someone's pet that wound up in the wrong place at the wrong time. I did a little research and I think it was a Desert Rosy Boa Snake
Hopefully when/if I sleep tonight I won't be dreaming about red reptiles. I think GirlThing is going to have to get rid of her toy. Every time I see it I will be reminded of how unsafe it is to unload groceries after dark.

Cesarean Awareness Month (pt. 2 of who knows how many)

2007-05-07T17:06:00.000-06:00

Before I finish I have to say that I have always had a very bad memory that has only gotten worse since I had the Things. This is exactly why I need to stop procrastinating when it comes to writing these birth stories. Especially in this case, when at least 2 or more of my readers were actually at this birth. I'm having a hard time remembering the timing of certain events. If I get something wrong, leave something out, or add stuff in that didn't even happen, please forgive me and just pretend I'm writing fiction.

Now, back to the story...

After getting home, I slept off and on and got as much rest as I could while letting Thing 1 and Thing 2 watch as much Nick Jr as they wanted. Around 3pm I hadn't heard much from L & J so I called to check in. J said that L was able to rest a little bit. She was still contracting but things hadn't changed a whole lot. He asked if I would come to the hotel and stay with her while he went home to check on their daughter. I told him I would come as soon as Hubby got home.
I called Jenny to give her an update. We were both convinced that she was still in very early labor and that it could be at least a day or more before she had the baby. Our plan was to get her to accept that too so she could relax and get some real rest. Boy were we wrong!
I got to the hotel around 5pm. J left not long after I got there and things quickly changed. L went into a zone and started working with her body perfectly. This felt right, so different from the night before where we were trying to tell hew how to work with her body. All she needed from me was to sit there, hold her hand and occasionally say some reassuring words. J called to ask me how our game plan was working, had I been able to convince L that she still had a long way to go? I told her "not exactly". She could tell by the sound of my voice that something had changed so she decided to head over too.
At some point we called Jane, who happens to be a wonderful doula, apprentice midwife, and reiki master. We asked her to come to the hotel, thinking that L could benefit from some energy work. I think we called her before we realized that L didn't need much help at all.
It turns out that even though we didn't really need the energy work, we still needed her gifts. Once Jane, Jenny, and I were together we quickly fell into a grove of supporting L.
When J came back from checking on their daughter, he was probably surprised to see this hotel room full of women. I remember L saying "Hi Honey, I guess two doulas wasn't enough."
L's labor progressed beautifully. I loved watching her be so in tune with her body. She didn't need much from us other than our presence. One of us would hold her hand while the other would place cold washcloths on her head and neck.

Edited 6/8/07: I'm still having a hard time finishing this story. I figured It's better to post what I have instead of letting this get lost in draft land. Obviously this will be told in at least 3 parts.

Cesarean Awareness Month (pt. 1)

2007-05-01T17:23:00.000-06:00

I started this post almost a month ago. If you read my Crazy/Lazy post you shouldn't surprised that it's taken me this long to finish it.

Most of my readers already know that April is (was) Cesarean Awareness Month.
For those of you who don't please take a little time to check out ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network). In honor of this (last) month, I'm finally getting around to writing about the amazing VBAC I was able to be a part of a few months ago.

I met L a few years ago at a meeting of our local Birth network. She had recently given birth to her daughter via cesarean. It was obvious, to anyone who who listened to her tell her story, that the birth had been a traumatic experience. During the many months she attended Birth Circles we were able to watch her heal and grow stronger.
I was beyond thrilled when I got an email from her with "Won't you be my doula?" in the subject line. My good friend Jenny was the doula at her last birth and the plan was for her to have both of us there this time. At first her husband J thought it was a bit excessive to have two doulas (she actually wound up with 3 at her birth but I'll get to that later) but we quickly won him over with our charm and good looks ;-)
We spent the next few months preparing for her birth, attending Hypnobirthing classes, and just getting to know each other better. During this time I realized that she and my sister were due around the same time. I was so torn, there was no way I was going to miss my sister's birth but I really wanted to be there for L.
Towards the end of her pregnancy L was convinced that this baby was going to be born early. When she hadn't given birth by the time I left for OH, I started to worry that I wouldn't get to be there. My sister had her baby early and I wound up coming home a week sooner than planned. It's a good thing I did. L went into labor less than two days after I got home.
I was at the movies with my friend Elf the night L called. She said she wasn't in labor but by the time I got home from the movies, she called and said she and J were getting ready to head to the hospital.
I originally thought that the plan was to labor at home as long as possible so I was surprised that things had changed so quickly. I called Jenny to find out if she had more information about what was going on. We both thought that she may have been going in too soon but we decided to follow L's lead and meet them there.
When we got to the hospital L was being monitored in triage. The nurse told her that they would monitor her for while to see how often she was contracting. If she wasn't contracting frequently enough, she would have to "get behind" all the other laboring moms they were dealing with. I think L and her baby started to feel a bit of performance anxiety. She mentioned someting about being put on the clock "just like last time". That was the first of a few times that we would have to gently remind L that this birth wasn't going to be like last time. The contractions slowed down so we were told to labor in the waiting room until they called her name.
We spent a few hours in the waiting room. That night it was full of non-laboring pregnant women. L seemed like the only one who was working. We assumed that all the other women we waiting for their inductions.
Right around the time L started needing help working through her contractions, they called her name. Perfect timing, we thought. When she was checked she was just barely dilated. She was pretty discouraged. She was having contractions pretty consistantly, they just didn't seem to be doing a whole lot. Jenny and I figured we needed to do everything we could to help get this labor going. We were given the OK to walk the halls to try and get things moving. During this time, Jenny and I pulled out every trick in the book. We made suggestions about positions, we rubbed, we massaged, we made her do "sumo stomps" up and down the halls. The whole time we were doing all this "stuff" I was cringing inside (I found out later that Jenny was too). I'm more of a "listen to your body" type doula and not a "now do it this or that way" one. After a few more hours doing everything we could think of, we went back to triage to see if any of it worked.
When she was checked, we found out that not much progress had been made. Understandably, L broke down. She was very tired and had been working so hard. The news that things were pretty much the same was hard to take.
Fortunately, we had an incredible triage nurse (who had previously been a doula). She told L that the best way for her to have a successful VBAC was to get out of the hospital and get some rest. L and J agreed but they didn't want to go home because they didn't want to disturb their daughter and the people at their house who were caring for her. Someone provided us with a list of hotels that were close by and offered discounts to patients of the hospital. The only problem was that there a big event going on & most of the hotels were completely booked. After lots of calling around we finally found a hotel about 6 miles from the hospital. The awesome doula nurse gave L a sleeping pill and sent us on our way. As the sun was coming up, Jenny and I went home and L and J went to the hotel.
I tried to get some sleep but I had to take care of Thing 1 and Thing 2 (the other Things were at school).

I'm getting really sleepy but I know that if I save this as a draft it may be another month before I finish it. I'll post what I have and write the rest in the next day or two.

I'm Just Lazy (or Crazy, pick one)!

2007-04-18T21:55:00.000-06:00

I have the beginnings of two amazing birth stories just sitting in my draft section. They've been there for weeks. I haven't been inspired to finish them. I loved being at those births. I love thinking about them. I love talking about them. Why won't I finish writing them out?

The perfect example of my Laziness/Craziness is that today I finished an essay that was the final piece of my requirement to be a certified doula through DONA. I've been a doula for almost 3 years, finished all the other requirements for certification over 2 years ago, attended many births, become a childbirth educator (my certification with that is still pending because I've done all of the work except for the writing), and attended several continuing education classes and workshops. The only thing that has kept me from being certified all this time is the fact that I refused to write that last stinkin' essay. Not only did I miss the two year deadline they give you, I got an extension and missed that deadline too. Why you ask? I have no idea. I just couldn't make myself write.

Finally, I allowed myself to be backed into a corner by a dear friend. She finished her certification packet and offered to help me get mine ready to send in. I would never have done it without her pushing. She literally sat next to me as I typed the last paragraph. In less than one day I wrote something that I've been putting off for over two years. Part of me feels great for finally finishing but a huge part of me feels a sense of resentment that I can't put my finger on well enough to describe.

Most of the time I tell my self (and others) that being certified has nothing to do with my abilities as a doula, and I really do believe that. The rest of the time I'm not as confident. The biggest why I had such a mental block when it came to writing that paper is because I have this weird issue with self esteem. I guess if I never turn in my packet I don't have to worry about having my writing judged. And before you say it, blogs don't count. My writing on my blog isn't being used to determine whether or not I get to put extra letters behind my name.

I so desperately want to be a good writer. I read the writings of others like MB, Leigh, and Jane, and think of all the reasons why I will never be as good as they are. I envy people who seem to write so effortlessly, whose words feel like melodies as they talk about the simplest things. These women, along with many other writers, tell stories that touch my soul. I want my words to be like that. I want them to dance, to flow effortlessly across the page (or screen), to move other people. I want people to be able to feel my passion when they read my words.

Maybe there are classes I can take, something that can bring out, or put in my creativity. Maybe I need to just write and stop being so critical of myself.
I don't know, any suggestions?

My Guest Blogger

2007-04-04T10:11:00.000-06:00

My dear friend Mani wrote this piece and she agreed to let me share it with my readers.

A Public Apology

I'm sorry for all of the times I called you names, for all of the times I looked at you in disgust, for all of the times I thought about the many ways I wished you would change. I am so sorry for minimizing your achievements, for allowing my selfish quest for perfection to shame you, for doing things that hurt you for reasons that don't matter in the least.

I'm sorry to my daughters, because however much I tried to hide it, I know they picked up on my abusive behaviors, and it terrifies me to know they might someday become perpetrators themselves. I'm sorry to my mother, my grandmothers, my great grandmothers, and generation after generation of female ancestors.

My apologies to my best friend, to my boss, to my preceptors, to my clients, to women I don't really like, to women I pass in the grocery store, and to women I've never even met.

Please forgive me for being a part of this societal illness. I promise to try harder. I promise to catch myself mid-thought and redirect my energies. I promise not to take part when everyone around me is doing it.

I am five feet four inches tall. I weigh one hundred and fifty-nine pounds. I have a poochy tummy. I have stretch marks on my breasts, my belly, and my hips. I don't have toned muscles, and I have imperfect teeth.

And I'm going to do something culturally unacceptable and tell you the truth about myself. All those years I've joined in when women were criticizing their bodies and tried to make them feel better by putting myself down? The hundreds of times I looked in the mirror and curled my lip in disgust? I was wrong. I no longer mean it. Not a word of it. I am a woman in the process of falling in love with herself. The truth is, I'm fabulous.

The truth is, so are you. You won't be popular for thinking so, but that's okay. Some women might be intimidated. They might think, how dare you feel good about yourself when you weigh thirty pounds more than them, and they still feel like shit about themselves? Men might not like it, because you'll certainly be harder to control when you stop giving a shit what they think about your arms, your eyes, your ass. An entire diet and beauty industry that has depended solely on your low self-esteem to survive will implode. Nobody will make a single penny off of your belief that your face is pretty without foundations, shadows, blushes, concealers, or surgery. They certainly won't rake in millions when you discover that drinking their nasty fucking "meal replacement" shakes is a joyless way to live. They'll be pissed. They'll be terrified. They will do everything in their power to convince you that you're wrong, but it will be too late. You'll know the truth.

Please accept my apologies. I was wrong.

Weekend Recreation

2007-04-03T11:36:00.000-06:00

This past weekend started out great. Hubby and I woke up Saturday morning and started cleaning. His mother was coming to watch the kids for us so we could go out to dinner. Once she got to our house Hubby said he had plans for us for the day as well. First we went to get manicures and pedicures. It was fun and relaxing. Hubby got his toes painted the color of his favorite baseball team. The ladies in the nail salon got a kick out of that. They look so pretty!
After our pampering we went shopping for an outfit for me to wear to our fancy dinner date. Ugh, I hate shopping for clothes. Hubby thought that it would be a simple in and out thing, that we'd pick something that looked nice and be done. He had no idea how difficult it would be. We spent a couple of hours shopping and finally found something that looked nice on my long legs, short waist, big boobs and fluffy tummy.
We went home to get ready for our date. I quickly got dressed and headed out the door to drop off a gift for a good friend of mine. Her Blessingway was that evening. Earlier in the week I had done a belly cast for her. Another friend of ours decorated it for her and it was on display for everyone to write a special birthing message to her. It looked beautiful! I'm really happy it turned out so well.
So many of my favorite women were at this gathering. The energy was incredible and the food looked great. I really wish I could have stayed longer. It felt so good to be around so many wonderful people who were all there to love, honor, and nurture our friend on her path to becoming a mother for the second time. It made me think more about the book that I will eventually get around to writing. I really want every woman to find her "village" of sisters (cousins, aunts, mothers, grandmothers). We really need to be loved and supported by other women in our everyday lives.
I stayed and chatted for a little bit but then I had to rush off to go pick up Hubby so we could have our celebration dinner. We arrived at a beautiful restaurant overlooking the city. As soon as the couple we were dining with arrived, we were seated. The view was spectacular. Everything on the menu looked delicious so we decided on the Chef's Tasting Menus. The guys had Tasting Menu 1 which came with Foie Gras, Lobster Bisque, Pan Seared Austrailian Barramundi, some kind of lamb dish (poor lambs) , and dessert. My friend and I decided on Tasting Menu 2 which was all seafood (except for the dessert) and "created with spontaneous passion and customized" for us. Both of the tasting menus came with wine parings and everyone drank except for Hubby. After all that food and several glasses of wine, I was pretty wasted. The four of us sat and talked for another hour or two then we all went home.
Hubby and I quietly "celebrated" a little bit more when we got home (we had to be careful not to wake up sleeping children or my mother in law) then I fell asleep.
I woke up Sunday morning with the worst sore throat (a couple of the Things had been coughing all weekend), no headache but I still felt pretty yucky. Hubby and the Things took pity on me and let me stay in bed most of the day.
Later that night I had another gallbladder attack. It must have been all that rich food. This time I took a couple of pain pills (through out the night, not all at once). I didn't feel as much pain but my body still feels worn out from this weekends events.

It's a good thing anniversaries only come around once a year.

Happy Anniversary to Us

2007-03-28T08:20:00.000-06:00

As of last night I have been married to Hubby for 9 years. The first few years of marriage were challenging but we are finally at a point where we like each other (most days). We will be celebrating this weekend by going to a fancy restaurant for dinner.
Our actual anniversary was spent arguing over a personal training contract that I signed last month that he didn't know about. The contract is no longer in effect so, in my opinion, it should no longer be an issue, Right? OK, maybe not but I'm not interested in arguing over it.
I also went to dinner with my stepsister. Hubby laughs at me when I call her that because I refuse to call her dad my stepfather, I always call him "my mother's husband". She's visiting her dad who she hasn't seen in almost 12 years (when my mom and her dad got married). We had a nice time eating and talking about how much our fathers weren't there for us. The two of us have a lot in common. Hopefully we will keep in touch.
The most exciting part of my anniversary is the gifts our mothers gave us. My mom is having our house cleaned from top to bottom. Oh boy do we need that! My mother in law is buying us new pots and pans. Yipee!!
Oh boy, I am getting old. I get excited by housecleaning and cookware.

If Trouble Was Money

2007-03-19T14:12:00.000-06:00

I think I have figured out the main lesson I was supposed to learn about the Twilight Zone birth. I can not be motivated by money when I take a birth. Every time I am it winds up being a not so pleasant experience. I can think of two other times that this has happened. This one was the worst.
My biggest reason for becoming a doula is wanting to care for and support birthing women. Most of the time, when I take a client, getting paid for my services is important, but money is really a secondary thing. This time the order was reversed.
I got the call requesting my help and my first thought was "I'm available and this is unexpected money, so why not?". As a matter of fact, that thought played a role in my deciding to discounted my fee by almost 50%. I knew they were calling at the last minute, had limited funds and had already been turned down by another doula. Of course I wanted to help them but I also saw it as an opportunity to make a quick buck.
I hate admitting that my primary motivation when agreeing to be their doula wasn't a strong desire to help. Of course, I don't feel that my misguided motive is the reason why the experience was as unfavorable as it was. I do think though, that it played a huge part in why I didn't pick up on all the red flags that surrounded the situation.
Even though I can look back and see the things I could have, and probably should have, done differently, not having my priorities in order is the biggest.

It was a gallbladder attack!

2007-03-16T01:54:00.000-06:00

That's why I was so sick the night of the Twilight Zone episode. That whole "gas pain" thing had happened to me before. Even though it had kept me from sleeping many nights, I always thought it was just really bad gas. The attacks were so infrequent that I never figured out what might have been causing it. TZ night was so bad that I finally decided to get it checked out. I went to the doctor and was scheduled for an ultrasound yesterday morning. Unfortunately I had another attack in the middle of the night so Hubby took me to the hospital. I cried all the way there. I remember saying "I need a doula!" I almost called a couple of my doula sisters but Hubby reminded me that it was 3:30 in the morning. By the time I was finally seen, the pain had subsided and I was starting to feel a little bit silly for being in the ER. The doctor and nurse said that what I was experiencing was actually very common for gall bladder issues. The fact that the pain had gone away pretty much confirmed that it was my gall bladder. They ran a bunch of tests and I had an ultrasound. Sure enough, I have gallstones.
Now I have to figure out how I want to treat this. My conventional doctor said "Get thee to a surgeon so your gallbladder can be removed!" I really don't like the idea of removing an organ, even one that is causing this much pain. I'm waiting to hear back from my naturopathic doctor to see if he has a better solution.
Either way, I really want to figure out how I can avoid hurting as much as I have the last couple of nights.

The Twilight Zone

2007-03-14T22:06:00.000-06:00

I've always been a firm believer that I am at the births that I am supposed to be at, and that every birth I am at teaches me an important lesson. Last night I began to question that belief. I have no idea what I am supposed to learn from the experience I was a part of.
A little over a week ago I got a call from the mother of a pregnant woman. She was looking for a doula for her (married) daughter T. I though it was a bit weird that she was the one calling but I agreed to meet them. Another odd thing was that this woman was looking for a doula at the very last minute. T's EDD was less than a week away. She mentioned that her daughter and son in law didn't have much money but really needed support. I agreed to discount my fee.
The next day I met the three of them. It was a very brief meeting but it seemed to be a good fit. I felt excited about working with them. We talked a little about payment I told them that since she was due within the next few days that they could pay me any time before or at the birth. I also didn't have them sign a contract since it was such short notice (looking back, BIG mistake).
As the week went on, I stared to feel off about the upcoming birth. I know "off" isn't a very descriptive word but I don't know how to explain the feeling or why it was there. I think my biggest concern was that I hadn't really developed a relationship with this mom. I really like to get to know my clients so I can adjust to what they may or not need during the birth. What I had learned about them was that they were hiring a doula because they wanted someone who knew the hospital "system" and who could help them gather information about the care they would be receiving.
Another concern that popped up in the week after I initially met with them is I found out they didn't really have a care provider. T was getting prenatal care at a clinic but the doctor providing her prenatal care doesn't do births. He recommends that his patients call the hospital and try to develop a relationship with doctors that have privileges there. I'm still not clear on how that is supposed to work but that's how it was explained to me. The clinic doctor told T to go to Hospital A because the doctors there know him and work with is patients on a regular basis. For a reason I don't understand, T and her husband decided to go to a completely different hospital. She had been unable to establish a relationship with any doctor but she was determined to birth at Hospital B.
T's husband called me around 2:30am Tuesday morning to tell me that he thought her water broke. He asked me what should she do and I said it was up to them. I asked what they felt like doing and he said they were going to hang out at home for a little bit and would call me when things changed. I said "that sounds like a good idea" and went back to sleep. When I woke up I started to feel real uneasy about that conversation. Did I inadvertently give medical advice? I didn't think so but I called them back to find out what was going on. This time I talked to T. I asked her how she was feeling and what she planned to do. She said she just woke up and felt fine and that she was gonna hang out a bit longer. I told her to keep me posted but I still had a nagging feeling about the whole situation. I decided (with the help of a couple of wise doula sisters) to call her back to make sure she knew that what she was doing was outside of what most medical doctors would be comfortable with. She said that she knew that they would want her to come in but she didn't feel that it was necessary yet. I was relieved that she had come to this conclusion on her own and not because of something I may have said to her hubby at 2:30 in the morning. She then told me that she had a scheduled doctors appointment in a couple of hours and asked if I thought she should keep it. I told her it would be a great idea to see her care provider so that he knew what was going on and he could verify that she had actually ruptured. She agreed and I sigh another breath of relief.
About 5 minutes before her scheduled appointment she called me to say that her doctors office told her not to come in and to go straight to the hospital. I agreed to meet them there.
As I was on my way, I got a call from my client's mother telling me that they had stopped at a restaurant for lunch.
I got to the hospital first and waited a few minutes for them to get there. I still had a uncomfortable feeling about the whole situation but I just couldn't put my finger on what it was. T, her husband, and both of their mothers showed up and the chaos began. As T was being given a hard time by registration because she had no doctor and no insurance, her mother pulled me aside to tell me that the husbands mother was not to be allowed in the room because T didn't want her there. Then T's husband pulled me aside and told me that T's mother must be stressing her out because T just told him to "shut up and stop talking".
We got into triage and the nurses seemed like they didn't know what to do with her because she had no doctor, no insurance, and they didn't have her records. They finally figured out that T would be cared for by the on staff OB. He came in and immediately told her that because he doesn't know her, he couldn't guarantee her a healthy baby. Not that he's trying to scare her but because he knows nothing about her history, there could be all kinds of complications and her baby could have all kinds of health issues. What lovely things to say to a mom in labor!
I felt myself getting pissed off at this man which is probably the biggest mistake I made during this whole experience. He picked up her birth plan, which basically stated that they want a natural birth with minimal interventions, and told her that he would try to respect her wishes but he couldn't agree with many of the things on there. One example of what he didn't agree with was her request for dim lighting. He said he needed to be able to see what he's doing, which I understand to some extent, but him being able to see had nothing to do with her wish for dim lighting while laboring. At one point I asked him how much longer she would need to be on the monitor. I was hoping to be able to have her walk around to get things moving. He said she would need continuous fetal monitoring. Confused, especially considering that the standard is 20 minutes of monitoring an hour, I asked why. He said because babies can die in less than 5 minutes and if he were to let her get off the monitor for more than a few minutes, her baby could die and we wouldn't know it. The shock must have registered on my face so he then said "You and I have totally different beliefs about birth". He then went on to tell her that if she didn't progress a centimeter an hour that he would need to augment her labor.
Looking back, I probably should have kept my mouth shut but I just couldn't (besides, I had promised this family that I would ask questions for them if anything seemed out of the ordinary). I asked him how could we help labor progress if she wasn't allowed to get off of the monitor to move around. He then said that there is no evidence that proves that walking and moving around helps labor progress. I think a "wow" escaped from my lips and for the second or third time he said something about how different our beliefs about birth were. Even though this was true, it made me angry because I hadn't stated my beliefs I had simply asked him a couple of questions and this really wasn't about my beliefs, it was about what my client wanted for her birth. I told him "You don't know what I believe about birth".
Even as I'm writing this I am cringing at my reaction. My focus should have been my client, not arguing with the idiot doctor. In all his ranting about how dangerous birth was he also felt the need to say how he sees people try to have natural birth all the time and that he has to fix the mess that it causes. He said he's dealt with many transfers from midwives who just don't know what they are doing. He really seemed to have a big Hero/God complex.
A couple of hours went by and the OB checked her and she hadn't changed. He told her that he was going to start pitocin and she said no. This really bothered him. He said it had been at least 6 hours since her water broke and he'd let her go much longer than most doctors would allow. T's mother asked if mom and baby were fine and he did the whole "Yes, for now, but we don't know how long they will be". He kept talking about the risk of infection and that baby needed to be born 18 hours from the time her water broke.
T asked if they could wait an hour and he said "At what point are you going to listen to me? I know what I'm doing." I asked if we could compromise and try some other things first (which is what her birth plan requested). He looked at me and said "No, I don't compromise. I've delivered over 4000 babies, how many have you delivered?" My response was "I don't deliver babies" .
T and her husband asked for a few minutes to talk and think it over. I realized that the bad energy between the doctor and me was a problem so I went into the hall to talk to him. I told him that I felt that we had gotten off to a bad start and I explained that I wasn't there to argue with him, I was just trying to support the family and to help their wishes be respected. He said he could respect that but he may at some point decide that only the family would be allowed in the room because when I ask questions it undermines his authority. There was a huge part of me that wanted him to kick me out because I couldn't stand witnessing the disrespect he was showing this family.
T continued to refuse the Pit, OB continued to be an ass to her and I stopped asking questions. I tried to make myself invisible when he would come into the room. During all of this T's mom and husband started snipping at each other. T's mom told me that T really didn't want her husband there and T's husband told me that he wanted her mom to leave. It went as far as T's husband telling her she needed to get the hell out of the room and her saying "I'm not going anywhere". I swear it was the weirdest sh*t I've ever seen. I asked them to not do that in front of T and they both apologized. From then on they were nice to each other on the surface but you could feel the bad energy between them.
During all of this I started having really bad back and stomach pain. If felt like the worst gas ever. So not only is there craziness around me but my body seems to be reacting to it.
Finally, the OB agreed to give them 30 minutes (they asked for an hour) to try some nipple stimulation to get her contractions going. We all left the room and let T and hubby have some time alone. Her contractions really picked up during that time but came to a complete stop as soon as the OB came back in. He checked her again and she had changed just a little bit. It wasn't enough for him so he again insisted on the pit. I tried to get her to explain why she had such strong objections to this option and all she could say was "I just don't want it".
OB was completely ticked off by this and told her that he wasn't going to treat her anymore. He called in another doctor. T's husband said that while he was in the hall he heard the doctor tell someone that T was stupid and shouldn't even be there.
At around 9 or 10 pm the new doctor came in and was so patient an kind. She listened to T's concerns and explained the concerns of the doctors in a way that wasn't rude or condescending. Finally, T agreed to the pitocin. By this point my stomach pain was almost unbearable. Since T wasn't in active labor and the pit was just getting started, I asked them if they would mind if I left for a couple of hours to rest and recharge. I told them I would come back as soon as they called me. They all agreed that since I was only 20 minutes away that they felt comfortable with that.
I left and the pain continued to get worse. By the time I got home it was so bad I was throwing up.
At 2:30am I hadn't heard from them so I called to see how things were going. T's mom said everything was pretty much the same and they would call when they needed me to come back.
I tried to get some sleep. At 7am I called again and I could hear T really working through the contractions. I asked them if they were ready for me to come back to the hospital and her husband said not yet. It was shift change and they would know more once the new nurses and doctors came on. He said that he wanted to make sure things were progressing before they had me come back up there.
I was starting to get the feeling that they didn't plan on having me come back and to be honest, I was so sick I really didn't want to go back. After I got off the phone with them my hubby called the doctor's office. They said I needed to be seen right away. I called T's husband back and told him that I needed to go to the doctor but I would be more than happy to send a backup when they were ready for the additional help. Her husband said not to worry about it, they were just fine.
I found out later (from T's mom) that he told them I had quit.
After my doctor's appointment I called to see how things had gone. Dad told me that they had the baby via c-section because mom never progressed past 5 cms and the baby never moved down.
I'm so sad for this mom. I still haven't had a chance to talk to her. I barely had a chance to during the whole time I was there. I wish I had been able to be there for her more. I wish I knew her better so I could have cared for her instead of dealing with the strange energy of the doctor, her mom and her husband. I hate that I allowed that OB to push my buttons and that I brought negativity to this woman's experience as well. I also hate how unprofessional I was about taking them on as clients. No contract, no payment. I'm assuming that they don't plan on paying me since I wound up not being there the whole time. Never mind the fact I lowered my fee by $250, I was with them for more than 10 hours, continued to check in with them, offered to come back (even though I probably couldn't have) and was told twice "not yet", as well as offered to send another doula in my place.
Maybe there are multiple lessons I am supposed to learn from this birth experience. Those lessons will come to me as I continue to process the whole thing.

By the way, I still have a couple of wonderful births to write about.

Oh no, I'm sick!

2007-03-07T16:53:00.000-07:00

I was playing around with this Disease Mongering Engine and found out I have IPGD!

Intermittent Premature Gender Dysfunction (IPGD)

IPGD is found in people with unpredictable episodes or experiences surrounding an unplanned, temporally-distorted physiological response regarding sexual partner preferences.

Oh no, what ever will I do? Well, the site does give me some ideas on how to get rich off of it:

Patent a dangerous chemical as a "treatment" for IPGD.
Invent fictitious trial results that prove the drug is effective in treating IPGD.
Bribe FDA officials into approving the drug as safe for everyone! (Even if it kills people.)
Submit to the American Psychiatric Association for inclusion in their DSM-IV (the standard reference guide of psychiatric disorders).
Create an emotional TV ad that shows unhappy, confused people being transformed into perfect beings after they take your drug.
Issue press releases to mainstream media outlets who will run your propaganda as news with zero skepticism.
Bribe doctors with vacations, extravagant meals and "consulting fees" in order to get them to prescribe your drug to as many patients as possible.
Buy off politicians and legislators to block alternative medicine and enforce a pharmaceutical monopoly.
Sit back and rake in the dough** while Americans go broke buying your drug to treat IPGD!
When the lawsuits roll in from the families of dead patients, simply use a small portion of your windfall profits to settle out of court, admitting no guilt.

Pretty funny, huh? Now go off and discover some lovely new diseases of your own!

The Sister Bond

2007-03-05T19:08:00.000-07:00

Even though we weren't raised in the same home and we live thousands of miles apart, my oldest sister and I have a very special connection. Thing 1 and Thing 2 were conceived within hours of her middle child being conceived. I remember calling to tell her that Hubby and I weren't as careful as we should have been. I was looking for reassurance that everything would be just fine. Instead I got, "You too?!" Two or three weeks later I called her to tell her my pregnancy test was positive. She refused to take a test claiming that I had jinxed her. Of course when she finally took one hers was positive too. Our boys were due at the same time but the twins decided to come a few weeks early so they are 3 weeks apart.
Fast forward 3 years. I started feeling early pregnancy symptoms and was very confused (because I had my tubes tied when Thing 1 and 2 were born). I couldn't understand why my boobs were so sore and why I felt so nauseous. When Sis and I spoke, I told her about how I had been feeling. She got very quiet and told me she would call me back. She called a few days later and told me that I had gotten her pregnant. Immediately my symptoms disappeared. At first I thought that it was a quirky coincidence but as the pregnancy continued I felt more and more connected to her and her new baby. I would joke with her and tell her that she was having my baby. I was as involved with this pregnancy as I could be considering we live a couple of time zones away from each other.
We decided that I would have to be there for the birth. We worried a little about getting me there in time, but I think we all new deep down that there was no way I would miss it. I left Hubby and the Things in good hands (my mother in law's with my mom as backup) and flew across the country.
The timing was perfect. I got there a few days before my niece was born. The first day I was there I did Sis' belly cast. The second night we just hung out but when she went to bed I gave her and her man orders to get busy so we could get things moving. She seemed to have the look I see many moms get when they are close to going into labor. The next morning we went to her OB visit. She was 4cm and had some show (I'm sure the action the night before helped). Even though she wasn't contracting much, it was easy to see that she was in early labor. As we were leaving the office, her OB and midwife gave us instructions on what to do if she had the baby in the car. I loved hearing care providers talk about birth as something normal and not something to freak out about. We stopped at Trader Joe's on the way home to pick up snacks and stuff. That night we watched movies while I massaged her feet and belly with lavender oil. She woke me up around 3am and told me contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart. We left for the hospital about a half an hour later. When we got there Sis threw up as soon as she got in her room. She was checked and was 6 cm. We turned on her Hypnobirthing cd. For the next few hours we listened to the cd over and over. Sis seemed completely relaxed except for the occasional request for counter pressure on her back. Her man and I took turns holding her hand and pressing on her back. After a while we turned the cd off (I can't remember why we did). Sis got up and moved around a bit. It was amazing to watch her be so in tuned with her body and move exactly how her body and baby needed. Within moments Sis felt the urge to push. When they checked her she was complete but baby was still high. Sis pushed for a while but since Baby was posterior she wasn't moving down very quickly. The OB suggested getting Sis to lay on her belly to help baby turn (did I mention how much I loved this OB?) . Baby got into a good position pretty quickly and Sis had an even stronger urge to push. We were using a squat bar and while she was pushing she seemed to be afraid of the feeling. With each push she would jump from a squatting position to a standing position. I know I shouldn't laugh at any birthing mom, let alone my sister but, it was pretty funny to see her standing on the bed, holding on to the squat bar for dear life. Every time she would stop herself from pushing she would beg each of us to help her, to do something. She seemed to need to be reminded that none of us could do the work for her. At one point I asked her what she wanted us to do? She replied Take her out!". I asked her if she wanted a c-section (not because I thought she needed or would get one but to show her that she had to help herself). No one else seemed to know where I was going with this question because I heard at least two horrified "No!"s coming from her man and either the OB or the nurse. Sis was starting to lose her focus and I decided that she needed me to get firm with her. I told her to "Get down here and start pushing". That's when she hit me!
Ok, she didn't really hit me, she just slapped at my hand and her man's hand and told us to stop it. It worked though, she got back into a squat, bore down and pushed. For some reason none of us were looking at her during this push. I had been reaching for a washcloth (I don't know what the OB, her man, and the nurse were doing) when I turned back around, half of my niece's head was out. We all yelled for her to wait. The OB didn't even have her gloves on! Of course there was no waiting and one push later, her head was out. She leaned back onto the bed and pushed her the rest of the way out.
My beautiful niece was born at 8:37am. She was 6 lbs 14 oz and 19 inches long.
The OB waited patiently for Sis to birth the placenta. While she waited we chatted about her twins and how more than 20% moms in her practice have unmedicated births.
Baby Girl breastfed right away and was skin to skin with her mommy for the first hour of her life. Then she had bonding time with her Daddy. When I finally got to hold her I looked at her and immediately felt a connection I can't really explain. It was like I already knew her, like she had been a part of me too.
I stayed with this wonderful new family for a few more days and then came back home to my own. It was so wonderful to be able to be a part of this birth. I didn't think it was possible but, this experience made my connection to my sister even stronger.

I promise!

2007-03-02T20:22:00.000-07:00

I have so many ideas for posts running through my head. If I just had a laptop I would write more frequently. I hate sitting at my makeshift computer desk. It is not conducive to creative writing.
I have 4 births to write about as well as my many other "deep" thoughts.
I know that I'm on the verge of some serious power blogging. Just bear with me, please.

By the way, Thing 1 and Thing 2 recently turned 4. I can't believe my youngest children have grown up so quickly!

O.T. (Original Thing) taught Thing 1 to call people Fart Gas. It's not a nice name but it's not the worst thing you could call someone, unless you do not speak clearly and it come out sounding like F*ck @ss (try it yourself, just take the "rt" out of the phrase). I'm not sure I want to stop him from saying it because it just sounds so wrong but cute at the same time. Bad Mommy!

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That...

2007-02-13T13:40:00.000-07:00

It's been way too long since I've updated my blog. My dear friend Jenny's bad habits are rubbing off on me.
Now that I'm actually sitting down to write I have so much to talk about but not enough time or energy to creatively put it in written form. A good friend of mine (one of my cool writer friends) suggested bullet points. I think that is a great idea. I will write about all of them more detail as the urge to write comes to me.

My trip to the Midwest for my sister's birth went well. I got there in plenty of time. The birth was beautiful. My niece is beautiful. I got to come home a few days early, and my family survived.

I attended another amazing birth just a few days after I got home. I actually had a lot of fun at this birth even though I was up two nights in a row. I was one of three doulas there and the other two are a couple of my favorite friends. We had a blast. It was a VBAC and the mama ROCKED!

I decided last night that I am seriously in LOVE with John Mayer. So much so that I will overlook the fact that he is rumored to be dating Jessica Simpson.

I have two clients that think they will be having their babies within the next 48 hours. This should be an interesting week. Two more births to write about. Fun!

Thanks to Jane, the song Game of Love by Santana (featuring Michelle Branch) , is stuck in my head. This one will require lots of thought (and maybe some soul searching) before I write.

I need to know more about North Carolina, lots more.

Ok, I thing that is a good start. Hopefully this will inspire me to update my blog more frequently.

She's Leaving Home

2007-01-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

I'm filled with anxiety today. I am preparing to leave my family for 11 days. On the other hand, I'm very excited because I'm leaving so I can be at the birth of my sister's third baby. I think this will be the longest time I will have spent away from my kids. What will they do without me? Will my husband be a better mom than I am? Will he be able to keep a cleaner house while taking care of 4 children? Will my kids have more fun with him and their grandmothers than they do with me? Will he be better at the shopping? Will he get them to, and pick them up from school on time (something I rarely do)? Will I be missed? Oh no, will they miss me too much? Will they cry every night for their mommy? Will my daughter wind up with damaged hair because nobody knows how to properly care for it except me? Will they eat well? Will my hubby buy the right foods or will he feed them nothing but pizza, waffles, and ramen noodles (something I've been know to do occasionally)? Will someone forget to take them or pick them up from school? Will my mother or my mother-in-law lose one of my kids while my husband is at work?
There are too many unknowns, maybe I should stay home. Or maybe I should trust that the man I married and the women who raised us will take just the right amount of care of my children.

Thing 1 and Thing 2

2006-12-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

The other day the twins were going through my purse looking for gum. They found a tampon and ran up to me to ask what it was.
"What's this Mommy?" Thing 1 asked.
"It's a tampon" I replied, thinking a simple answer would make them lose interest.
"Where do you put it?" Hmmm, how do I explain that one and what would make Thing 1 ask such a question? I decided to say nothing.
"Do you put it in your mouth?" Thing 2 asked.
"No" I said calmly.
"Do you put it in your ear?" Thing 1 said while tyring to stick the tampon in his ear.
"No" I repeated, wishing I could change the subject.
"Do you put it in your nose?" Thing 2 giggled.
"No!" I yelled, "I put it in my vagina!" I snatched the tampon away from them and put it away.
"Oh!' they replied softly, sounding a bit confused.
I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking I was done trying to explain tampons to a couple of 3 year old boys.
All of a sudden Thing 1 pipes up "Show us!" and Thing 2 exclaimed "Yeah, show us!"
"Please!" they begged in unison.
I could only respond as any other loving, communicative mother would.

"No! Now get out of here and leave me alone!"

Oh, the joys of raising little boys!

When You Trust In Your Physician..

2006-12-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

...what you get is what you got. Cause when they own the information they can bend it all they want.

I attended a C-Birth this week. My client E was planning her second VBAC. Her first baby was breech and she had an empowering vaginal birth with her second baby. She had the same care provider this time as she did with the second baby, so we figured this third birth would be a breeze. No reason to suspect that this doctor was not on board with VBACs, right?
Her first two babies were born a week or so past her EDD and they were both over 9lbs. I was not surprised when she reached 41 weeks. What did surprise me was her phone call telling me that Doctor wanted her to get to the hospital within the next 2 hours because a c-section needed to be done right away. Why, you ask? Because baby was measuring 10lbs 4 oz! Oh my goodness, the horror!
E and I talked about how ultrasounds were notorious for being off when it comes to weight. She said she asked about that & her doctor said that wasn't true. This baby was huge and it would be way too dangerous for her to try to birth such a big baby naturally. Never mind the fact that 3 years ago her VBAC baby was 9 & 1/2 pounds.
My client decided to trust the information she was being given and went to the hospital.
Just before going in for surgery Doctor stopped by to talk with E. She told her that she still hadn't changed her mind about E needing surgery just because E didn't want it. Doctor was so confident that baby was dangerously large that she said she would fire her ultrasound tech if she wound up being wrong. She also said that even if E wasn't a VBAC she wouldn't "let" her birth such a big baby vaginally.
E had decided to get her tubes tied during the surgery. While explaining the risks of this additional procedure this doctor proceeded to say that VBACS were almost (but not quite) as "life threatening" as tubal pregnancies. Yes, she used the term "life threatening" to describe a VBAC! The same thing she had supported a little over 3 years ago is now life threatening???
A less than 1% chance of uterine rupture makes VBACs almost as life threatening as a tubal pregnancy??? My eyes are about to roll out of my head!
So we get into the OR and as baby is being born the doctor keeps talking about how big this baby is. She's so big that they needed to use the vacuum to get her out (because she's big, not because she's not ready to be born yet *eye roll*).
Baby girl was born and went off with dad to the recovery area while Doctor finished taking care of E. When mom and baby were reunited we found out that E had given birth to her smallest baby. She was 8 lbs 11 oz, approximately a pound an and a half smaller than predicted. What did Doctor have to say about being wrong? "At least you got a tubal out of the deal", "Maybe during the ultrasound she stuck out her rump to make herself look bigger".
Arrrrrgggh! I'm so frustrated!
I am so sick of watching women being lied to, being manipulated into doing what their "care" providers want them to. I'm sick of women allowing themselves to be lied to and manipulated. I'm tired of watching women give up their power. I'm tired of watching medical professionals put convenience, money, politics, and power above what is best for women and their babies.
I'm sick of women having fewer and fewer birthing options. I want them to have evidenced based care, not care based on fear of lawsuits. I want women to be educated enough to know the difference.
As I listened to John Mayer's words tonight I started to feel defeated. I listened to him sing about seeing everything going wrong but not having the means to change it. I listened to him talk about caring but also knowing that the fight is unfair so he and his friends are just gonna sit back & wait for change to happen.
Then I started to think about my last client and her long but amazing home birth. I started to think of my repeat client who had a great hospital birth last time but is so excited about her upcoming home birth. I was reminded by Jane of her 14 year old client who gave birth on her own terms and is successfully breastfeeding and slinging her baby.
As much as I love John and his music, I realized I don't have to "keep on Waiting on the World to Change". My fellow birth junkies and I are changing the world one woman at a time.

Mommy and Me

2006-12-03T20:52:00.000-07:00

My mom is a pretty cool chick to hang out with. I used to hate when people called me Little B but now, I so want to be my mom when I grow up. I'd like to not need to be as busy as she is (that won't happen since I have 4 kids to her 1) but I'd like to be as cultured, as smart and as patient as she is.
Even though I see my mom at least twice a week, we rarely get to spend time together. Most of my "mom time" is actually Grandmama time. I'm usually bringing a kid or two (or four) to her house or she is picking someone (or all of them) up from our house. She is my back up childcare when Hubby isn't available & I have to do birthwork. My kids adore her and I'm guessing she feels the same way about them because she makes sure that each of them get to spend quality time with her.
I was starting to resent all the time my kids get to spend with her that I don't, so Mom and I decided to have GNO (girls night out). Friday night I picked my mom up driving a car that is not all that kid friendly. When I got to the door she went into "mom mode". I obviously wasn't dressed warm enough for how cold it was outside. Instead of leaving with enough time to pick up a bite to eat, we had to go inside and find a coat for me. She was right, my flimsy sweater wouldn't have done much for me by the time the movie let out. My mom is always right (another reason why I want to be her). We said goodbye to her hubby and giggled with excitement about being out together with no kids & no hubbies. We were off to see Bobby!
We got to the movie theater, mom bought our tickets and I bought our snacks. Sadly, the movie wasn't as good as it could have been. We knew going in that the movie had received mixed reviews but we had hoped for the best. It was very slow starting, bordering on boring but the wrap up was good. The ending was very touching.
The best part of the movie was Robert Kennedy's speech that was played after he had been shot. It's called On The Mindless Menace Of Violence. It's amazing how little times have changed. These words could easily be spoken today.
http://www.rfkmemorial.org/lifevision/onthemindlessmenaceofviolence/

After the movie I drove my mother home. We listened to one of my favorite new artists, Corrine Bailey Rae, and I found out that my mother loves her too. I told you she's cool.

My Special Women

2006-11-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

I have many amazing women in my life. These women are from different cultures, age groups, income levels, and ethnic backgrounds. Some of them are strict herbivores while others revel in their flesh eating ways. They are Catholic, Mormon, Jehovah's Witness, Apostolic (and many other variations of Christianity), Hindu, Jewish, undecided and simply "spiritual". They are Republicans, Democrats, Independents, as well as politically neutral. They are gay, straight, and a few are somewhere in between. All of them are mothers whether they have given birth, adopted or helped to raise the child of a daughter, sibling, cousin or friend. Many of them have done all or at least a combination of these things. They are all nurturers in on way or another.

These women are all special to me and all play a different role in my life. Some of them are friends with each other, some of them have never met, a couple of them may not even like each other but I love them all and they all love me. They seem to move in and out of my life as I need them and as they need me but we are always connected. I wish I could think of the perfect word to describe this gift. It's like a network, a circle, a spiral, an...I don't know. What I keep picturing is my limited memory of what an atom looks like. Protons and neutrons moving around the nucleus (do they move closer to and further away from the nucleus at different times as needed?) and connecting to other protons and neutrons in other atoms (their other friends that I may not be connected to). Am I making any sense? Keep in mind it's been a good decade and a half since I've taken any thing close to a science class.
I checked Thesaurus. com and came up with some synonyms that kinda, sorta fit.

Alliance
Association
Clan
Community
Crew
Family
Federation
Kin
League
Network
Interconnections
Netting
Nexus
People
Sisterhood
Structure (it feels more free flowing than this word allows for)
Tribe
Troop

None of these words describe it completely. What is it? I need the word. Do I have to make one up? There has to be a word out there...
Help, please!

p.s. Can you tell that I like my friends like I like my chocolate? Assorted, with lots of nuts!

Page 27 Says You Should Have Come By Now...

2006-11-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

I recently attended my longest birth yet.

From the time I was hired I knew this experience would be challenging. My client L had been through 3 or 4 care providers before settling on a home birth, had read over 30 books about childbirth and breastfeeding before taking a single childbirth class (I think she only wound up taking 2 series of classes) and she had a written a 3 page birth plan before she was 8 weeks. An informed consumer or a control freak? You decide.

I got a call around 8:30 Friday night telling me her water broke but she wasn't having any contractions. She said she was going to bed & would call me when she needed me. She called me Saturday morning to tell me she had been having contractions and lots of bloody show. I fully expected to be going to a birth on Saturday but by 3pm that afternoon she called me to say her midwife had come by to check on her & her water had not broken (she now thinks it was pee) and that her contractions had stopped completely.

Skip to 6am Sunday. My client's familiar ring tone on my cell phone woke me. I answered, trying desperately to sound alert. Her husband told me that she had been contracting every 5 minutes since 3am and they were ready for me to head over. I said I was on my way but I stayed in bed another hour which is not something I typically do but my gut told me L didn't really need me yet. At a little after 7am I felt bad for saying I was on my way when I really wasn't. I got up, got dressed, packed my bag full of snacks and other things I might need, and headed out the door.

I got there an hour later (yes, she lives an hour away, less when I don't get lost but she's far) and she was clearly in early early labor. She was laughing and talking even smiling at me at the beginning and end of each contraction. I sat and made small talk, observed her for a little while and realized that I needed coffee. Since she lives so far away I didn't want to drive all the way home and back so I decided to take a trip to Starbucks. I got my coffee, a second breakfast (I ate oatmeal in the car on the way there) and went back to the house prepared for a long day.

At one point, we decided to go for a walk, We walked to the park stopping occasionally for contractions. Once we got there, the idea to have her get on the teeter-totter hit me. I figured it would help her get into some nice deep squats. Oh, the things we'll come up with to get things moving. At around noon, just for the fun of it, we started making baby stat predictions (weight, length, time of birth) . I knew they wouldn't like my guess about the time of birth but I said 4:52am or sometime before the sun came up. L guessed 10pm and dad guessed midnight. None of us were right.

I spent much of the day trying to figure out how to get this mom out of her head and into her body. When I first got to the house she & her husband still had birth books on the table. I told her that we were done reading about labor, it was time to just do it. This mom wanted to analyze and describe every contraction and movement of the baby. She asked me at least 20 times if this or that was normal or if it was something I had seen happen before. Finally I told her (in the nicest way) that I wasn't going to answer any more questions. I kept reminding her that she had to stop trying to think about this labor.

Around 7pm she started showing signs of shifting into active labor. One of the midwives came by to check on her. A vaginal exam was done at about 8pm and she was 4-5 cm. This was great! By 11pm or so she was 7-8. She really seemed to be progressing quickly. The other midwife came and I figured we'd be having a baby soon.

After that time starts to blur. I don't know what happened but labor went on and on. I remember laying in the bed on one side of her with her hubby on the other and falling asleep but still being able to hear her. While dozing I felt the need to tell her to slow down her breathing and to take nice deep breaths for the baby. I know I was asleep when I said that but I'm sure I said it out loud. I think around 2:30 am I laid on the couch and took an actual nap. One of her midwives was sleeping on the floor while the other one was in the bedroom with L and her husband. Part of me feels guilty for sleeping on the job but the other part of me knows she was well taken care of by her midwives too.

At sometime around 4am one of the midwives checked her and she was 9cm. I dragged myself off of the couch and went back in the bedroom convinced we'd be having a baby soon. Unfortunately I was wrong. L continued to labor. I believe that she still was trying to think through this labor. I remember her asking one of the midwives what pushing would feel like and her midwife said "I don't know, why don't you tell me when you're done?" What a smart midwife!

L started pushing around 9am. She pushed and pushed. At one point she looked at me and said "Let it go?" Finally she got it! I nodded and she continued to push. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at 12:07 pm.

At many times during this labor I cursed the fact that I'm a doula. I swore I was going to retire after this birth. The pay wasn't worth spending hours (sometimes days) away from my family, having to stress about child care, missing appointments, cancelling plans at the last minute, being on call for weeks on end, and dealing with exhaustion. Just before I was getting ready to leave L reminded me of why I do this and why I love it. After she showered she asked me if I would blow dry her hair. She had done most of her laboring in the pool and she was sick of having wet hair. I told her "Of course. I brushed and dried her hair and chatted with her about how amazing she was, about her beautiful baby and about how proud we both (she and I) were of her. When she was finished I noticed she was quietly crying. I asked "What is it?" She started to pat my leg and told me that I had done so much for her, above and beyond what she would expect anyone to do. She hugged me and thanked me so much.

How could I not love this job?

I am not a writer!

2006-11-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

But I really wanna be. I can talk all day long but I suck at writing.
All my cool friends are writers. They tell me that I would be one too if I would just do it. I'm hoping that starting this blog will turn me into the writer they tell me I can be. I want to be cool like them.

I can remember writing papers in school, thinking I had done a really awesome job and being told by some wrinkled old teacher that it wasn't very good. I think I've convinced myself that she (and all my other teachers) were right. I've told myself that writing is something I'm just not good at.

I have an idea for a novel that I love to talk about but I won't allow myself to believe that I could actually write it. It's an awesome idea (I think) and I can't get it out of my head. I wish I could get my cool writer friends to write it for me. I know they couldn't get it right though because it's my story, in my head.

So now I've entered into the world of blogging. I can't wait to see what it turns into!