I'm In Repair...

...I'm not together but I'm getting there.
John Mayer

Some of you know that I've been working on losing weight since early March. I'm trying to get down to around 140 or a comfortable size 8.
Six months after the twins were born I weighed more than 200 pounds. I was a mother of four, 29 years old and overweight. I set a goal of losing 50 pounds before I turned 30. I wound up losing 60. The first 30 came off just by changing my eating habits. I had to get my butt in the gym to lose the rest.
Unfortunately once I reached my goal I stopped working as hard. I slowly added Oreo Blizzards back in my life & stopped going to the gym. To my surprise, the weight stayed off. Woo hoo! I could eat what I wanted and be a lazy bum (as lazy as 4 children would allow).

Then I weaned the twins. Slowly but surely my weight crept back up. By February of this year I was back up to 167 and spilling out of and over the top my size 10 jeans (I had no business still trying to squeeze into those pants).
So now I'm back to eating right, going to the gym, and doing my best to resist the call of Dairy Queen (have you seen June's Blizzard of the month? Waffle pieces, chocolate chunks and caramel, YUM!). Doing all of this has helped me drop 15 pounds and fit in my size 10s comfortably (sometimes they are even a little loose).

I've had 2 births this past week so I've been slacking on my work outs, and not eating the greatest. It's hard to eat right when you're up in the middle of the night supporting someone in labor for hours and hours. It's also hard not to give in to your cravings for ice cream when it's 110 degrees outside. I've tried June's Blizzard at least three times this month.
Today I was in a hurry and pulled on a pair of jeans. They were unusually snug and my first thought was "Ok, these are fresh out of the dryer, no big deal". As I rushed out the door I realized I couldn't move real well in theses jeans and I had a serious muffin top (more like a big ole' inner tube). I started getting seriously depressed. I couldn't believe that just a few days away from the gym and a Blizzard or two or three could make my comfortable, almost loose jeans impossibly ill-fitting.
Suddenly I remembered that some of my jeans from two years ago were in the same drawer as the ones I wear on a regular basis. I found a bathroom so I could check out the tag. Lo and behold, I was wearing a size 8! Suddenly I went from being depressed to being excited! I could actually pull on, button and zip an 8! I still have a way to go before they will be comfortable but I'm getting there.
Whew!

50 First Dates

I attended my first birth as a doula in August of 2004. Today was my 50th time assisting a mom in labor and getting to be one of the first people to meet a brand new life. I met a beautiful little boy who's name totally fit him. It was a relatively short labor for a first time mom, just a little over 12 hours from the time her contractions woke her up until her boy was born. M was the epitome of a birth warrior. I always marvel at how women can be so powerful but extremely vulnerable at the same time. It's an amazing thing to see.
I love my job!

My Heart is Heavy

It's amazing how connected we can feel to people we meet in "Blogland".
I met Kate while she was pregnant with her twin boys. Being a fellow mother of twin boys, I immediately felt a connection. It also helped that she was friends with some of my soul sisters (Jeanette, Leigh and MB).
I laughed and nodded my head when she wrote about the crazy things people say to you when you are expecting twins. I could totally relate when she described her uncertainty of becoming a mother to two more little boys. I was shocked and worried when I read about her boys being born much too soon. I followed every post she wrote describing the joys and fears of being a mom to Liam and Ben .
She is a wonderful writer. She is so open when she writes. Her writing makes you feel like you are listening to a close, personal friend. She has such an incredible gift.

Yesterday she lost one of her gifts. My heart hurts for her. In all her sadness she was still able to share her gift with the rest of us. She is my hero.