Breast Awareness

Last week my aunt had her lumpectomy. Thing 1 and Thing 2 wanted to know why Auntie couldn't come over. I told them that she was in the hospital having a lump removed from her breast. They made the appropriate sounds, serious "ohs" and "mm hmms", as I did my best to give the 4 year old version of breast cancer. Just when I was starting to think that I had such intelligent and sensitive little boys and that I had done a wonderful job explaining the situation, Thing 1 asked me "Where is her breast?" I pointed to mine and said "Right here" (surprised that all this time they didn't really know what I had been talking about) Thing 2 said "You mean her boobs?!"
"Yes." I said, and they both screamed "Eeeew!"

Later that day they decided to tell their sister all about it. I'm not sure exactly what was said but I heard bits and pieces about her tummy getting bigger and bigger. Finally, Girl Thing said " Mom, what are the twins talking about?!" Original Thing tried to clarify by saying " She had something in her that was making her sick and the doctor had to take it out." Girl Thing asked where and I said "In her breast". She gasped "You mean where she makes milk for her babies?!?!"

At least she knows what they're called and more importantly, what they are for.

A Lot Like Singing in the Shower

The other day we were in the van on our 90 minute car ride home from my MIL's house. We were blasting the Dreamgirls soundtrack (after jammin' to Stevie Wonder, Earth Wind & Fire, and KC & the Sunshine Band). All of a sudden Girl Thing says, "I sing really good in my head, just not out loud."

Oh no, I'm sick!

I was playing around with this Disease Mongering Engine and found out I have IPGD!

Intermittent Premature Gender Dysfunction (IPGD)

IPGD is found in people with unpredictable episodes or experiences surrounding an unplanned, temporally-distorted physiological response regarding sexual partner preferences.

Oh no, what ever will I do? Well, the site does give me some ideas on how to get rich off of it:

1. Patent a dangerous chemical as a "treatment" for IPGD.
2. Invent fictitious trial results that prove the drug is effective in treating IPGD.
3. Bribe FDA officials into approving the drug as safe for everyone! (Even if it kills people.)
4. Submit to the American Psychiatric Association for inclusion in their DSM-IV (the standard reference guide of psychiatric disorders).
5. Create an emotional TV ad that shows unhappy, confused people being transformed into perfect beings after they take your drug.
6. Issue press releases to mainstream media outlets who will run your propaganda as news with zero skepticism.
7. Bribe doctors with vacations, extravagant meals and "consulting fees" in order to get them to prescribe your drug to as many patients as possible.
8. Buy off politicians and legislators to block alternative medicine and enforce a pharmaceutical monopoly.
9. Sit back and rake in the dough** while Americans go broke buying your drug to treat IPGD!
10. When the lawsuits roll in from the families of dead patients, simply use a small portion of your windfall profits to settle out of court, admitting no guilt.

Pretty funny, huh? Now go off and discover some lovely new diseases of your own!

I promise!

I have so many ideas for posts running through my head. If I just had a laptop I would write more frequently. I hate sitting at my makeshift computer desk. It is not conducive to creative writing.
I have 4 births to write about as well as my many other "deep" thoughts.
I know that I'm on the verge of some serious power blogging. Just bear with me, please.

By the way, Thing 1 and Thing 2 recently turned 4. I can't believe my youngest children have grown up so quickly!

O.T. (Original Thing) taught Thing 1 to call people Fart Gas. It's not a nice name but it's not the worst thing you could call someone, unless you do not speak clearly and it come out sounding like F*ck @ss (try it yourself, just take the "rt" out of the phrase). I'm not sure I want to stop him from saying it because it just sounds so wrong but cute at the same time. Bad Mommy!