I attended my first birth as a doula in August of 2004. Today was my 50th time assisting a mom in labor and getting to be one of the first people to meet a brand new life. I met a beautiful little boy who's name totally fit him. It was a relatively short labor for a first time mom, just a little over 12 hours from the time her contractions woke her up until her boy was born. M was the epitome of a birth warrior. I always marvel at how women can be so powerful but extremely vulnerable at the same time. It's an amazing thing to see.
I love my job!
Showing posts with label birth story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth story. Show all posts
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Monday, May 7, 2007
Cesarean Awareness Month (pt. 2 of who knows how many)
Before I finish I have to say that I have always had a very bad memory that has only gotten worse since I had the Things. This is exactly why I need to stop procrastinating when it comes to writing these birth stories. Especially in this case, when at least 2 or more of my readers were actually at this birth. I'm having a hard time remembering the timing of certain events. If I get something wrong, leave something out, or add stuff in that didn't even happen, please forgive me and just pretend I'm writing fiction.
Now, back to the story...
After getting home, I slept off and on and got as much rest as I could while letting Thing 1 and Thing 2 watch as much Nick Jr as they wanted. Around 3pm I hadn't heard much from L & J so I called to check in. J said that L was able to rest a little bit. She was still contracting but things hadn't changed a whole lot. He asked if I would come to the hotel and stay with her while he went home to check on their daughter. I told him I would come as soon as Hubby got home.
I called Jenny to give her an update. We were both convinced that she was still in very early labor and that it could be at least a day or more before she had the baby. Our plan was to get her to accept that too so she could relax and get some real rest. Boy were we wrong!
I got to the hotel around 5pm. J left not long after I got there and things quickly changed. L went into a zone and started working with her body perfectly. This felt right, so different from the night before where we were trying to tell hew how to work with her body. All she needed from me was to sit there, hold her hand and occasionally say some reassuring words. J called to ask me how our game plan was working, had I been able to convince L that she still had a long way to go? I told her "not exactly". She could tell by the sound of my voice that something had changed so she decided to head over too.
At some point we called Jane, who happens to be a wonderful doula, apprentice midwife, and reiki master. We asked her to come to the hotel, thinking that L could benefit from some energy work. I think we called her before we realized that L didn't need much help at all.
It turns out that even though we didn't really need the energy work, we still needed her gifts. Once Jane, Jenny, and I were together we quickly fell into a grove of supporting L.
When J came back from checking on their daughter, he was probably surprised to see this hotel room full of women. I remember L saying "Hi Honey, I guess two doulas wasn't enough."
L's labor progressed beautifully. I loved watching her be so in tune with her body. She didn't need much from us other than our presence. One of us would hold her hand while the other would place cold washcloths on her head and neck.
Edited 6/8/07: I'm still having a hard time finishing this story. I figured It's better to post what I have instead of letting this get lost in draft land. Obviously this will be told in at least 3 parts.
Now, back to the story...
After getting home, I slept off and on and got as much rest as I could while letting Thing 1 and Thing 2 watch as much Nick Jr as they wanted. Around 3pm I hadn't heard much from L & J so I called to check in. J said that L was able to rest a little bit. She was still contracting but things hadn't changed a whole lot. He asked if I would come to the hotel and stay with her while he went home to check on their daughter. I told him I would come as soon as Hubby got home.
I called Jenny to give her an update. We were both convinced that she was still in very early labor and that it could be at least a day or more before she had the baby. Our plan was to get her to accept that too so she could relax and get some real rest. Boy were we wrong!
I got to the hotel around 5pm. J left not long after I got there and things quickly changed. L went into a zone and started working with her body perfectly. This felt right, so different from the night before where we were trying to tell hew how to work with her body. All she needed from me was to sit there, hold her hand and occasionally say some reassuring words. J called to ask me how our game plan was working, had I been able to convince L that she still had a long way to go? I told her "not exactly". She could tell by the sound of my voice that something had changed so she decided to head over too.
At some point we called Jane, who happens to be a wonderful doula, apprentice midwife, and reiki master. We asked her to come to the hotel, thinking that L could benefit from some energy work. I think we called her before we realized that L didn't need much help at all.
It turns out that even though we didn't really need the energy work, we still needed her gifts. Once Jane, Jenny, and I were together we quickly fell into a grove of supporting L.
When J came back from checking on their daughter, he was probably surprised to see this hotel room full of women. I remember L saying "Hi Honey, I guess two doulas wasn't enough."
L's labor progressed beautifully. I loved watching her be so in tune with her body. She didn't need much from us other than our presence. One of us would hold her hand while the other would place cold washcloths on her head and neck.
Edited 6/8/07: I'm still having a hard time finishing this story. I figured It's better to post what I have instead of letting this get lost in draft land. Obviously this will be told in at least 3 parts.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Cesarean Awareness Month (pt. 1)
I started this post almost a month ago. If you read my Crazy/Lazy post you shouldn't surprised that it's taken me this long to finish it.
Most of my readers already know that April is (was) Cesarean Awareness Month.
For those of you who don't please take a little time to check out ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network). In honor of this (last) month, I'm finally getting around to writing about the amazing VBAC I was able to be a part of a few months ago.
I met L a few years ago at a meeting of our local Birth network. She had recently given birth to her daughter via cesarean. It was obvious, to anyone who who listened to her tell her story, that the birth had been a traumatic experience. During the many months she attended Birth Circles we were able to watch her heal and grow stronger.
I was beyond thrilled when I got an email from her with "Won't you be my doula?" in the subject line. My good friend Jenny was the doula at her last birth and the plan was for her to have both of us there this time. At first her husband J thought it was a bit excessive to have two doulas (she actually wound up with 3 at her birth but I'll get to that later) but we quickly won him over with our charm and good looks ;-)
We spent the next few months preparing for her birth, attending Hypnobirthing classes, and just getting to know each other better. During this time I realized that she and my sister were due around the same time. I was so torn, there was no way I was going to miss my sister's birth but I really wanted to be there for L.
Towards the end of her pregnancy L was convinced that this baby was going to be born early. When she hadn't given birth by the time I left for OH, I started to worry that I wouldn't get to be there. My sister had her baby early and I wound up coming home a week sooner than planned. It's a good thing I did. L went into labor less than two days after I got home.
I was at the movies with my friend Elf the night L called. She said she wasn't in labor but by the time I got home from the movies, she called and said she and J were getting ready to head to the hospital.
I originally thought that the plan was to labor at home as long as possible so I was surprised that things had changed so quickly. I called Jenny to find out if she had more information about what was going on. We both thought that she may have been going in too soon but we decided to follow L's lead and meet them there.
When we got to the hospital L was being monitored in triage. The nurse told her that they would monitor her for while to see how often she was contracting. If she wasn't contracting frequently enough, she would have to "get behind" all the other laboring moms they were dealing with. I think L and her baby started to feel a bit of performance anxiety. She mentioned someting about being put on the clock "just like last time". That was the first of a few times that we would have to gently remind L that this birth wasn't going to be like last time. The contractions slowed down so we were told to labor in the waiting room until they called her name.
We spent a few hours in the waiting room. That night it was full of non-laboring pregnant women. L seemed like the only one who was working. We assumed that all the other women we waiting for their inductions.
Right around the time L started needing help working through her contractions, they called her name. Perfect timing, we thought. When she was checked she was just barely dilated. She was pretty discouraged. She was having contractions pretty consistantly, they just didn't seem to be doing a whole lot. Jenny and I figured we needed to do everything we could to help get this labor going. We were given the OK to walk the halls to try and get things moving. During this time, Jenny and I pulled out every trick in the book. We made suggestions about positions, we rubbed, we massaged, we made her do "sumo stomps" up and down the halls. The whole time we were doing all this "stuff" I was cringing inside (I found out later that Jenny was too). I'm more of a "listen to your body" type doula and not a "now do it this or that way" one. After a few more hours doing everything we could think of, we went back to triage to see if any of it worked.
When she was checked, we found out that not much progress had been made. Understandably, L broke down. She was very tired and had been working so hard. The news that things were pretty much the same was hard to take.
Fortunately, we had an incredible triage nurse (who had previously been a doula). She told L that the best way for her to have a successful VBAC was to get out of the hospital and get some rest. L and J agreed but they didn't want to go home because they didn't want to disturb their daughter and the people at their house who were caring for her. Someone provided us with a list of hotels that were close by and offered discounts to patients of the hospital. The only problem was that there a big event going on & most of the hotels were completely booked. After lots of calling around we finally found a hotel about 6 miles from the hospital. The awesome doula nurse gave L a sleeping pill and sent us on our way. As the sun was coming up, Jenny and I went home and L and J went to the hotel.
I tried to get some sleep but I had to take care of Thing 1 and Thing 2 (the other Things were at school).
I'm getting really sleepy but I know that if I save this as a draft it may be another month before I finish it. I'll post what I have and write the rest in the next day or two.
Most of my readers already know that April is (was) Cesarean Awareness Month.
For those of you who don't please take a little time to check out ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network). In honor of this (last) month, I'm finally getting around to writing about the amazing VBAC I was able to be a part of a few months ago.
I met L a few years ago at a meeting of our local Birth network. She had recently given birth to her daughter via cesarean. It was obvious, to anyone who who listened to her tell her story, that the birth had been a traumatic experience. During the many months she attended Birth Circles we were able to watch her heal and grow stronger.
I was beyond thrilled when I got an email from her with "Won't you be my doula?" in the subject line. My good friend Jenny was the doula at her last birth and the plan was for her to have both of us there this time. At first her husband J thought it was a bit excessive to have two doulas (she actually wound up with 3 at her birth but I'll get to that later) but we quickly won him over with our charm and good looks ;-)
We spent the next few months preparing for her birth, attending Hypnobirthing classes, and just getting to know each other better. During this time I realized that she and my sister were due around the same time. I was so torn, there was no way I was going to miss my sister's birth but I really wanted to be there for L.
Towards the end of her pregnancy L was convinced that this baby was going to be born early. When she hadn't given birth by the time I left for OH, I started to worry that I wouldn't get to be there. My sister had her baby early and I wound up coming home a week sooner than planned. It's a good thing I did. L went into labor less than two days after I got home.
I was at the movies with my friend Elf the night L called. She said she wasn't in labor but by the time I got home from the movies, she called and said she and J were getting ready to head to the hospital.
I originally thought that the plan was to labor at home as long as possible so I was surprised that things had changed so quickly. I called Jenny to find out if she had more information about what was going on. We both thought that she may have been going in too soon but we decided to follow L's lead and meet them there.
When we got to the hospital L was being monitored in triage. The nurse told her that they would monitor her for while to see how often she was contracting. If she wasn't contracting frequently enough, she would have to "get behind" all the other laboring moms they were dealing with. I think L and her baby started to feel a bit of performance anxiety. She mentioned someting about being put on the clock "just like last time". That was the first of a few times that we would have to gently remind L that this birth wasn't going to be like last time. The contractions slowed down so we were told to labor in the waiting room until they called her name.
We spent a few hours in the waiting room. That night it was full of non-laboring pregnant women. L seemed like the only one who was working. We assumed that all the other women we waiting for their inductions.
Right around the time L started needing help working through her contractions, they called her name. Perfect timing, we thought. When she was checked she was just barely dilated. She was pretty discouraged. She was having contractions pretty consistantly, they just didn't seem to be doing a whole lot. Jenny and I figured we needed to do everything we could to help get this labor going. We were given the OK to walk the halls to try and get things moving. During this time, Jenny and I pulled out every trick in the book. We made suggestions about positions, we rubbed, we massaged, we made her do "sumo stomps" up and down the halls. The whole time we were doing all this "stuff" I was cringing inside (I found out later that Jenny was too). I'm more of a "listen to your body" type doula and not a "now do it this or that way" one. After a few more hours doing everything we could think of, we went back to triage to see if any of it worked.
When she was checked, we found out that not much progress had been made. Understandably, L broke down. She was very tired and had been working so hard. The news that things were pretty much the same was hard to take.
Fortunately, we had an incredible triage nurse (who had previously been a doula). She told L that the best way for her to have a successful VBAC was to get out of the hospital and get some rest. L and J agreed but they didn't want to go home because they didn't want to disturb their daughter and the people at their house who were caring for her. Someone provided us with a list of hotels that were close by and offered discounts to patients of the hospital. The only problem was that there a big event going on & most of the hotels were completely booked. After lots of calling around we finally found a hotel about 6 miles from the hospital. The awesome doula nurse gave L a sleeping pill and sent us on our way. As the sun was coming up, Jenny and I went home and L and J went to the hotel.
I tried to get some sleep but I had to take care of Thing 1 and Thing 2 (the other Things were at school).
I'm getting really sleepy but I know that if I save this as a draft it may be another month before I finish it. I'll post what I have and write the rest in the next day or two.
Monday, March 19, 2007
If Trouble Was Money
I think I have figured out the main lesson I was supposed to learn about the Twilight Zone birth. I can not be motivated by money when I take a birth. Every time I am it winds up being a not so pleasant experience. I can think of two other times that this has happened. This one was the worst.
My biggest reason for becoming a doula is wanting to care for and support birthing women. Most of the time, when I take a client, getting paid for my services is important, but money is really a secondary thing. This time the order was reversed.
I got the call requesting my help and my first thought was "I'm available and this is unexpected money, so why not?". As a matter of fact, that thought played a role in my deciding to discounted my fee by almost 50%. I knew they were calling at the last minute, had limited funds and had already been turned down by another doula. Of course I wanted to help them but I also saw it as an opportunity to make a quick buck.
I hate admitting that my primary motivation when agreeing to be their doula wasn't a strong desire to help. Of course, I don't feel that my misguided motive is the reason why the experience was as unfavorable as it was. I do think though, that it played a huge part in why I didn't pick up on all the red flags that surrounded the situation.
Even though I can look back and see the things I could have, and probably should have, done differently, not having my priorities in order is the biggest.
My biggest reason for becoming a doula is wanting to care for and support birthing women. Most of the time, when I take a client, getting paid for my services is important, but money is really a secondary thing. This time the order was reversed.
I got the call requesting my help and my first thought was "I'm available and this is unexpected money, so why not?". As a matter of fact, that thought played a role in my deciding to discounted my fee by almost 50%. I knew they were calling at the last minute, had limited funds and had already been turned down by another doula. Of course I wanted to help them but I also saw it as an opportunity to make a quick buck.
I hate admitting that my primary motivation when agreeing to be their doula wasn't a strong desire to help. Of course, I don't feel that my misguided motive is the reason why the experience was as unfavorable as it was. I do think though, that it played a huge part in why I didn't pick up on all the red flags that surrounded the situation.
Even though I can look back and see the things I could have, and probably should have, done differently, not having my priorities in order is the biggest.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
The Twilight Zone
I've always been a firm believer that I am at the births that I am supposed to be at, and that every birth I am at teaches me an important lesson. Last night I began to question that belief. I have no idea what I am supposed to learn from the experience I was a part of.
A little over a week ago I got a call from the mother of a pregnant woman. She was looking for a doula for her (married) daughter T. I though it was a bit weird that she was the one calling but I agreed to meet them. Another odd thing was that this woman was looking for a doula at the very last minute. T's EDD was less than a week away. She mentioned that her daughter and son in law didn't have much money but really needed support. I agreed to discount my fee.
The next day I met the three of them. It was a very brief meeting but it seemed to be a good fit. I felt excited about working with them. We talked a little about payment I told them that since she was due within the next few days that they could pay me any time before or at the birth. I also didn't have them sign a contract since it was such short notice (looking back, BIG mistake).
As the week went on, I stared to feel off about the upcoming birth. I know "off" isn't a very descriptive word but I don't know how to explain the feeling or why it was there. I think my biggest concern was that I hadn't really developed a relationship with this mom. I really like to get to know my clients so I can adjust to what they may or not need during the birth. What I had learned about them was that they were hiring a doula because they wanted someone who knew the hospital "system" and who could help them gather information about the care they would be receiving.
Another concern that popped up in the week after I initially met with them is I found out they didn't really have a care provider. T was getting prenatal care at a clinic but the doctor providing her prenatal care doesn't do births. He recommends that his patients call the hospital and try to develop a relationship with doctors that have privileges there. I'm still not clear on how that is supposed to work but that's how it was explained to me. The clinic doctor told T to go to Hospital A because the doctors there know him and work with is patients on a regular basis. For a reason I don't understand, T and her husband decided to go to a completely different hospital. She had been unable to establish a relationship with any doctor but she was determined to birth at Hospital B.
T's husband called me around 2:30am Tuesday morning to tell me that he thought her water broke. He asked me what should she do and I said it was up to them. I asked what they felt like doing and he said they were going to hang out at home for a little bit and would call me when things changed. I said "that sounds like a good idea" and went back to sleep. When I woke up I started to feel real uneasy about that conversation. Did I inadvertently give medical advice? I didn't think so but I called them back to find out what was going on. This time I talked to T. I asked her how she was feeling and what she planned to do. She said she just woke up and felt fine and that she was gonna hang out a bit longer. I told her to keep me posted but I still had a nagging feeling about the whole situation. I decided (with the help of a couple of wise doula sisters) to call her back to make sure she knew that what she was doing was outside of what most medical doctors would be comfortable with. She said that she knew that they would want her to come in but she didn't feel that it was necessary yet. I was relieved that she had come to this conclusion on her own and not because of something I may have said to her hubby at 2:30 in the morning. She then told me that she had a scheduled doctors appointment in a couple of hours and asked if I thought she should keep it. I told her it would be a great idea to see her care provider so that he knew what was going on and he could verify that she had actually ruptured. She agreed and I sigh another breath of relief.
About 5 minutes before her scheduled appointment she called me to say that her doctors office told her not to come in and to go straight to the hospital. I agreed to meet them there.
As I was on my way, I got a call from my client's mother telling me that they had stopped at a restaurant for lunch.
I got to the hospital first and waited a few minutes for them to get there. I still had a uncomfortable feeling about the whole situation but I just couldn't put my finger on what it was. T, her husband, and both of their mothers showed up and the chaos began. As T was being given a hard time by registration because she had no doctor and no insurance, her mother pulled me aside to tell me that the husbands mother was not to be allowed in the room because T didn't want her there. Then T's husband pulled me aside and told me that T's mother must be stressing her out because T just told him to "shut up and stop talking".
We got into triage and the nurses seemed like they didn't know what to do with her because she had no doctor, no insurance, and they didn't have her records. They finally figured out that T would be cared for by the on staff OB. He came in and immediately told her that because he doesn't know her, he couldn't guarantee her a healthy baby. Not that he's trying to scare her but because he knows nothing about her history, there could be all kinds of complications and her baby could have all kinds of health issues. What lovely things to say to a mom in labor!
I felt myself getting pissed off at this man which is probably the biggest mistake I made during this whole experience. He picked up her birth plan, which basically stated that they want a natural birth with minimal interventions, and told her that he would try to respect her wishes but he couldn't agree with many of the things on there. One example of what he didn't agree with was her request for dim lighting. He said he needed to be able to see what he's doing, which I understand to some extent, but him being able to see had nothing to do with her wish for dim lighting while laboring. At one point I asked him how much longer she would need to be on the monitor. I was hoping to be able to have her walk around to get things moving. He said she would need continuous fetal monitoring. Confused, especially considering that the standard is 20 minutes of monitoring an hour, I asked why. He said because babies can die in less than 5 minutes and if he were to let her get off the monitor for more than a few minutes, her baby could die and we wouldn't know it. The shock must have registered on my face so he then said "You and I have totally different beliefs about birth". He then went on to tell her that if she didn't progress a centimeter an hour that he would need to augment her labor.
Looking back, I probably should have kept my mouth shut but I just couldn't (besides, I had promised this family that I would ask questions for them if anything seemed out of the ordinary). I asked him how could we help labor progress if she wasn't allowed to get off of the monitor to move around. He then said that there is no evidence that proves that walking and moving around helps labor progress. I think a "wow" escaped from my lips and for the second or third time he said something about how different our beliefs about birth were. Even though this was true, it made me angry because I hadn't stated my beliefs I had simply asked him a couple of questions and this really wasn't about my beliefs, it was about what my client wanted for her birth. I told him "You don't know what I believe about birth".
Even as I'm writing this I am cringing at my reaction. My focus should have been my client, not arguing with the idiot doctor. In all his ranting about how dangerous birth was he also felt the need to say how he sees people try to have natural birth all the time and that he has to fix the mess that it causes. He said he's dealt with many transfers from midwives who just don't know what they are doing. He really seemed to have a big Hero/God complex.
A couple of hours went by and the OB checked her and she hadn't changed. He told her that he was going to start pitocin and she said no. This really bothered him. He said it had been at least 6 hours since her water broke and he'd let her go much longer than most doctors would allow. T's mother asked if mom and baby were fine and he did the whole "Yes, for now, but we don't know how long they will be". He kept talking about the risk of infection and that baby needed to be born 18 hours from the time her water broke.
T asked if they could wait an hour and he said "At what point are you going to listen to me? I know what I'm doing." I asked if we could compromise and try some other things first (which is what her birth plan requested). He looked at me and said "No, I don't compromise. I've delivered over 4000 babies, how many have you delivered?" My response was "I don't deliver babies" .
T and her husband asked for a few minutes to talk and think it over. I realized that the bad energy between the doctor and me was a problem so I went into the hall to talk to him. I told him that I felt that we had gotten off to a bad start and I explained that I wasn't there to argue with him, I was just trying to support the family and to help their wishes be respected. He said he could respect that but he may at some point decide that only the family would be allowed in the room because when I ask questions it undermines his authority. There was a huge part of me that wanted him to kick me out because I couldn't stand witnessing the disrespect he was showing this family.
T continued to refuse the Pit, OB continued to be an ass to her and I stopped asking questions. I tried to make myself invisible when he would come into the room. During all of this T's mom and husband started snipping at each other. T's mom told me that T really didn't want her husband there and T's husband told me that he wanted her mom to leave. It went as far as T's husband telling her she needed to get the hell out of the room and her saying "I'm not going anywhere". I swear it was the weirdest sh*t I've ever seen. I asked them to not do that in front of T and they both apologized. From then on they were nice to each other on the surface but you could feel the bad energy between them.
During all of this I started having really bad back and stomach pain. If felt like the worst gas ever. So not only is there craziness around me but my body seems to be reacting to it.
Finally, the OB agreed to give them 30 minutes (they asked for an hour) to try some nipple stimulation to get her contractions going. We all left the room and let T and hubby have some time alone. Her contractions really picked up during that time but came to a complete stop as soon as the OB came back in. He checked her again and she had changed just a little bit. It wasn't enough for him so he again insisted on the pit. I tried to get her to explain why she had such strong objections to this option and all she could say was "I just don't want it".
OB was completely ticked off by this and told her that he wasn't going to treat her anymore. He called in another doctor. T's husband said that while he was in the hall he heard the doctor tell someone that T was stupid and shouldn't even be there.
At around 9 or 10 pm the new doctor came in and was so patient an kind. She listened to T's concerns and explained the concerns of the doctors in a way that wasn't rude or condescending. Finally, T agreed to the pitocin. By this point my stomach pain was almost unbearable. Since T wasn't in active labor and the pit was just getting started, I asked them if they would mind if I left for a couple of hours to rest and recharge. I told them I would come back as soon as they called me. They all agreed that since I was only 20 minutes away that they felt comfortable with that.
I left and the pain continued to get worse. By the time I got home it was so bad I was throwing up.
At 2:30am I hadn't heard from them so I called to see how things were going. T's mom said everything was pretty much the same and they would call when they needed me to come back.
I tried to get some sleep. At 7am I called again and I could hear T really working through the contractions. I asked them if they were ready for me to come back to the hospital and her husband said not yet. It was shift change and they would know more once the new nurses and doctors came on. He said that he wanted to make sure things were progressing before they had me come back up there.
I was starting to get the feeling that they didn't plan on having me come back and to be honest, I was so sick I really didn't want to go back. After I got off the phone with them my hubby called the doctor's office. They said I needed to be seen right away. I called T's husband back and told him that I needed to go to the doctor but I would be more than happy to send a backup when they were ready for the additional help. Her husband said not to worry about it, they were just fine.
I found out later (from T's mom) that he told them I had quit.
After my doctor's appointment I called to see how things had gone. Dad told me that they had the baby via c-section because mom never progressed past 5 cms and the baby never moved down.
I'm so sad for this mom. I still haven't had a chance to talk to her. I barely had a chance to during the whole time I was there. I wish I had been able to be there for her more. I wish I knew her better so I could have cared for her instead of dealing with the strange energy of the doctor, her mom and her husband. I hate that I allowed that OB to push my buttons and that I brought negativity to this woman's experience as well. I also hate how unprofessional I was about taking them on as clients. No contract, no payment. I'm assuming that they don't plan on paying me since I wound up not being there the whole time. Never mind the fact I lowered my fee by $250, I was with them for more than 10 hours, continued to check in with them, offered to come back (even though I probably couldn't have) and was told twice "not yet", as well as offered to send another doula in my place.
Maybe there are multiple lessons I am supposed to learn from this birth experience. Those lessons will come to me as I continue to process the whole thing.
By the way, I still have a couple of wonderful births to write about.
A little over a week ago I got a call from the mother of a pregnant woman. She was looking for a doula for her (married) daughter T. I though it was a bit weird that she was the one calling but I agreed to meet them. Another odd thing was that this woman was looking for a doula at the very last minute. T's EDD was less than a week away. She mentioned that her daughter and son in law didn't have much money but really needed support. I agreed to discount my fee.
The next day I met the three of them. It was a very brief meeting but it seemed to be a good fit. I felt excited about working with them. We talked a little about payment I told them that since she was due within the next few days that they could pay me any time before or at the birth. I also didn't have them sign a contract since it was such short notice (looking back, BIG mistake).
As the week went on, I stared to feel off about the upcoming birth. I know "off" isn't a very descriptive word but I don't know how to explain the feeling or why it was there. I think my biggest concern was that I hadn't really developed a relationship with this mom. I really like to get to know my clients so I can adjust to what they may or not need during the birth. What I had learned about them was that they were hiring a doula because they wanted someone who knew the hospital "system" and who could help them gather information about the care they would be receiving.
Another concern that popped up in the week after I initially met with them is I found out they didn't really have a care provider. T was getting prenatal care at a clinic but the doctor providing her prenatal care doesn't do births. He recommends that his patients call the hospital and try to develop a relationship with doctors that have privileges there. I'm still not clear on how that is supposed to work but that's how it was explained to me. The clinic doctor told T to go to Hospital A because the doctors there know him and work with is patients on a regular basis. For a reason I don't understand, T and her husband decided to go to a completely different hospital. She had been unable to establish a relationship with any doctor but she was determined to birth at Hospital B.
T's husband called me around 2:30am Tuesday morning to tell me that he thought her water broke. He asked me what should she do and I said it was up to them. I asked what they felt like doing and he said they were going to hang out at home for a little bit and would call me when things changed. I said "that sounds like a good idea" and went back to sleep. When I woke up I started to feel real uneasy about that conversation. Did I inadvertently give medical advice? I didn't think so but I called them back to find out what was going on. This time I talked to T. I asked her how she was feeling and what she planned to do. She said she just woke up and felt fine and that she was gonna hang out a bit longer. I told her to keep me posted but I still had a nagging feeling about the whole situation. I decided (with the help of a couple of wise doula sisters) to call her back to make sure she knew that what she was doing was outside of what most medical doctors would be comfortable with. She said that she knew that they would want her to come in but she didn't feel that it was necessary yet. I was relieved that she had come to this conclusion on her own and not because of something I may have said to her hubby at 2:30 in the morning. She then told me that she had a scheduled doctors appointment in a couple of hours and asked if I thought she should keep it. I told her it would be a great idea to see her care provider so that he knew what was going on and he could verify that she had actually ruptured. She agreed and I sigh another breath of relief.
About 5 minutes before her scheduled appointment she called me to say that her doctors office told her not to come in and to go straight to the hospital. I agreed to meet them there.
As I was on my way, I got a call from my client's mother telling me that they had stopped at a restaurant for lunch.
I got to the hospital first and waited a few minutes for them to get there. I still had a uncomfortable feeling about the whole situation but I just couldn't put my finger on what it was. T, her husband, and both of their mothers showed up and the chaos began. As T was being given a hard time by registration because she had no doctor and no insurance, her mother pulled me aside to tell me that the husbands mother was not to be allowed in the room because T didn't want her there. Then T's husband pulled me aside and told me that T's mother must be stressing her out because T just told him to "shut up and stop talking".
We got into triage and the nurses seemed like they didn't know what to do with her because she had no doctor, no insurance, and they didn't have her records. They finally figured out that T would be cared for by the on staff OB. He came in and immediately told her that because he doesn't know her, he couldn't guarantee her a healthy baby. Not that he's trying to scare her but because he knows nothing about her history, there could be all kinds of complications and her baby could have all kinds of health issues. What lovely things to say to a mom in labor!
I felt myself getting pissed off at this man which is probably the biggest mistake I made during this whole experience. He picked up her birth plan, which basically stated that they want a natural birth with minimal interventions, and told her that he would try to respect her wishes but he couldn't agree with many of the things on there. One example of what he didn't agree with was her request for dim lighting. He said he needed to be able to see what he's doing, which I understand to some extent, but him being able to see had nothing to do with her wish for dim lighting while laboring. At one point I asked him how much longer she would need to be on the monitor. I was hoping to be able to have her walk around to get things moving. He said she would need continuous fetal monitoring. Confused, especially considering that the standard is 20 minutes of monitoring an hour, I asked why. He said because babies can die in less than 5 minutes and if he were to let her get off the monitor for more than a few minutes, her baby could die and we wouldn't know it. The shock must have registered on my face so he then said "You and I have totally different beliefs about birth". He then went on to tell her that if she didn't progress a centimeter an hour that he would need to augment her labor.
Looking back, I probably should have kept my mouth shut but I just couldn't (besides, I had promised this family that I would ask questions for them if anything seemed out of the ordinary). I asked him how could we help labor progress if she wasn't allowed to get off of the monitor to move around. He then said that there is no evidence that proves that walking and moving around helps labor progress. I think a "wow" escaped from my lips and for the second or third time he said something about how different our beliefs about birth were. Even though this was true, it made me angry because I hadn't stated my beliefs I had simply asked him a couple of questions and this really wasn't about my beliefs, it was about what my client wanted for her birth. I told him "You don't know what I believe about birth".
Even as I'm writing this I am cringing at my reaction. My focus should have been my client, not arguing with the idiot doctor. In all his ranting about how dangerous birth was he also felt the need to say how he sees people try to have natural birth all the time and that he has to fix the mess that it causes. He said he's dealt with many transfers from midwives who just don't know what they are doing. He really seemed to have a big Hero/God complex.
A couple of hours went by and the OB checked her and she hadn't changed. He told her that he was going to start pitocin and she said no. This really bothered him. He said it had been at least 6 hours since her water broke and he'd let her go much longer than most doctors would allow. T's mother asked if mom and baby were fine and he did the whole "Yes, for now, but we don't know how long they will be". He kept talking about the risk of infection and that baby needed to be born 18 hours from the time her water broke.
T asked if they could wait an hour and he said "At what point are you going to listen to me? I know what I'm doing." I asked if we could compromise and try some other things first (which is what her birth plan requested). He looked at me and said "No, I don't compromise. I've delivered over 4000 babies, how many have you delivered?" My response was "I don't deliver babies" .
T and her husband asked for a few minutes to talk and think it over. I realized that the bad energy between the doctor and me was a problem so I went into the hall to talk to him. I told him that I felt that we had gotten off to a bad start and I explained that I wasn't there to argue with him, I was just trying to support the family and to help their wishes be respected. He said he could respect that but he may at some point decide that only the family would be allowed in the room because when I ask questions it undermines his authority. There was a huge part of me that wanted him to kick me out because I couldn't stand witnessing the disrespect he was showing this family.
T continued to refuse the Pit, OB continued to be an ass to her and I stopped asking questions. I tried to make myself invisible when he would come into the room. During all of this T's mom and husband started snipping at each other. T's mom told me that T really didn't want her husband there and T's husband told me that he wanted her mom to leave. It went as far as T's husband telling her she needed to get the hell out of the room and her saying "I'm not going anywhere". I swear it was the weirdest sh*t I've ever seen. I asked them to not do that in front of T and they both apologized. From then on they were nice to each other on the surface but you could feel the bad energy between them.
During all of this I started having really bad back and stomach pain. If felt like the worst gas ever. So not only is there craziness around me but my body seems to be reacting to it.
Finally, the OB agreed to give them 30 minutes (they asked for an hour) to try some nipple stimulation to get her contractions going. We all left the room and let T and hubby have some time alone. Her contractions really picked up during that time but came to a complete stop as soon as the OB came back in. He checked her again and she had changed just a little bit. It wasn't enough for him so he again insisted on the pit. I tried to get her to explain why she had such strong objections to this option and all she could say was "I just don't want it".
OB was completely ticked off by this and told her that he wasn't going to treat her anymore. He called in another doctor. T's husband said that while he was in the hall he heard the doctor tell someone that T was stupid and shouldn't even be there.
At around 9 or 10 pm the new doctor came in and was so patient an kind. She listened to T's concerns and explained the concerns of the doctors in a way that wasn't rude or condescending. Finally, T agreed to the pitocin. By this point my stomach pain was almost unbearable. Since T wasn't in active labor and the pit was just getting started, I asked them if they would mind if I left for a couple of hours to rest and recharge. I told them I would come back as soon as they called me. They all agreed that since I was only 20 minutes away that they felt comfortable with that.
I left and the pain continued to get worse. By the time I got home it was so bad I was throwing up.
At 2:30am I hadn't heard from them so I called to see how things were going. T's mom said everything was pretty much the same and they would call when they needed me to come back.
I tried to get some sleep. At 7am I called again and I could hear T really working through the contractions. I asked them if they were ready for me to come back to the hospital and her husband said not yet. It was shift change and they would know more once the new nurses and doctors came on. He said that he wanted to make sure things were progressing before they had me come back up there.
I was starting to get the feeling that they didn't plan on having me come back and to be honest, I was so sick I really didn't want to go back. After I got off the phone with them my hubby called the doctor's office. They said I needed to be seen right away. I called T's husband back and told him that I needed to go to the doctor but I would be more than happy to send a backup when they were ready for the additional help. Her husband said not to worry about it, they were just fine.
I found out later (from T's mom) that he told them I had quit.
After my doctor's appointment I called to see how things had gone. Dad told me that they had the baby via c-section because mom never progressed past 5 cms and the baby never moved down.
I'm so sad for this mom. I still haven't had a chance to talk to her. I barely had a chance to during the whole time I was there. I wish I had been able to be there for her more. I wish I knew her better so I could have cared for her instead of dealing with the strange energy of the doctor, her mom and her husband. I hate that I allowed that OB to push my buttons and that I brought negativity to this woman's experience as well. I also hate how unprofessional I was about taking them on as clients. No contract, no payment. I'm assuming that they don't plan on paying me since I wound up not being there the whole time. Never mind the fact I lowered my fee by $250, I was with them for more than 10 hours, continued to check in with them, offered to come back (even though I probably couldn't have) and was told twice "not yet", as well as offered to send another doula in my place.
Maybe there are multiple lessons I am supposed to learn from this birth experience. Those lessons will come to me as I continue to process the whole thing.
By the way, I still have a couple of wonderful births to write about.
Monday, March 5, 2007
The Sister Bond
Even though we weren't raised in the same home and we live thousands of miles apart, my oldest sister and I have a very special connection. Thing 1 and Thing 2 were conceived within hours of her middle child being conceived. I remember calling to tell her that Hubby and I weren't as careful as we should have been. I was looking for reassurance that everything would be just fine. Instead I got, "You too?!" Two or three weeks later I called her to tell her my pregnancy test was positive. She refused to take a test claiming that I had jinxed her. Of course when she finally took one hers was positive too. Our boys were due at the same time but the twins decided to come a few weeks early so they are 3 weeks apart.
Fast forward 3 years. I started feeling early pregnancy symptoms and was very confused (because I had my tubes tied when Thing 1 and 2 were born). I couldn't understand why my boobs were so sore and why I felt so nauseous. When Sis and I spoke, I told her about how I had been feeling. She got very quiet and told me she would call me back. She called a few days later and told me that I had gotten her pregnant. Immediately my symptoms disappeared. At first I thought that it was a quirky coincidence but as the pregnancy continued I felt more and more connected to her and her new baby. I would joke with her and tell her that she was having my baby. I was as involved with this pregnancy as I could be considering we live a couple of time zones away from each other.
We decided that I would have to be there for the birth. We worried a little about getting me there in time, but I think we all new deep down that there was no way I would miss it. I left Hubby and the Things in good hands (my mother in law's with my mom as backup) and flew across the country.
The timing was perfect. I got there a few days before my niece was born. The first day I was there I did Sis' belly cast. The second night we just hung out but when she went to bed I gave her and her man orders to get busy so we could get things moving. She seemed to have the look I see many moms get when they are close to going into labor. The next morning we went to her OB visit. She was 4cm and had some show (I'm sure the action the night before helped). Even though she wasn't contracting much, it was easy to see that she was in early labor. As we were leaving the office, her OB and midwife gave us instructions on what to do if she had the baby in the car. I loved hearing care providers talk about birth as something normal and not something to freak out about. We stopped at Trader Joe's on the way home to pick up snacks and stuff. That night we watched movies while I massaged her feet and belly with lavender oil. She woke me up around 3am and told me contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart. We left for the hospital about a half an hour later. When we got there Sis threw up as soon as she got in her room. She was checked and was 6 cm. We turned on her Hypnobirthing cd. For the next few hours we listened to the cd over and over. Sis seemed completely relaxed except for the occasional request for counter pressure on her back. Her man and I took turns holding her hand and pressing on her back. After a while we turned the cd off (I can't remember why we did). Sis got up and moved around a bit. It was amazing to watch her be so in tuned with her body and move exactly how her body and baby needed. Within moments Sis felt the urge to push. When they checked her she was complete but baby was still high. Sis pushed for a while but since Baby was posterior she wasn't moving down very quickly. The OB suggested getting Sis to lay on her belly to help baby turn (did I mention how much I loved this OB?) . Baby got into a good position pretty quickly and Sis had an even stronger urge to push. We were using a squat bar and while she was pushing she seemed to be afraid of the feeling. With each push she would jump from a squatting position to a standing position. I know I shouldn't laugh at any birthing mom, let alone my sister but, it was pretty funny to see her standing on the bed, holding on to the squat bar for dear life. Every time she would stop herself from pushing she would beg each of us to help her, to do something. She seemed to need to be reminded that none of us could do the work for her. At one point I asked her what she wanted us to do? She replied Take her out!". I asked her if she wanted a c-section (not because I thought she needed or would get one but to show her that she had to help herself). No one else seemed to know where I was going with this question because I heard at least two horrified "No!"s coming from her man and either the OB or the nurse. Sis was starting to lose her focus and I decided that she needed me to get firm with her. I told her to "Get down here and start pushing". That's when she hit me!
Ok, she didn't really hit me, she just slapped at my hand and her man's hand and told us to stop it. It worked though, she got back into a squat, bore down and pushed. For some reason none of us were looking at her during this push. I had been reaching for a washcloth (I don't know what the OB, her man, and the nurse were doing) when I turned back around, half of my niece's head was out. We all yelled for her to wait. The OB didn't even have her gloves on! Of course there was no waiting and one push later, her head was out. She leaned back onto the bed and pushed her the rest of the way out.
My beautiful niece was born at 8:37am. She was 6 lbs 14 oz and 19 inches long.
The OB waited patiently for Sis to birth the placenta. While she waited we chatted about her twins and how more than 20% moms in her practice have unmedicated births.
Baby Girl breastfed right away and was skin to skin with her mommy for the first hour of her life. Then she had bonding time with her Daddy. When I finally got to hold her I looked at her and immediately felt a connection I can't really explain. It was like I already knew her, like she had been a part of me too.
I stayed with this wonderful new family for a few more days and then came back home to my own. It was so wonderful to be able to be a part of this birth. I didn't think it was possible but, this experience made my connection to my sister even stronger.
Fast forward 3 years. I started feeling early pregnancy symptoms and was very confused (because I had my tubes tied when Thing 1 and 2 were born). I couldn't understand why my boobs were so sore and why I felt so nauseous. When Sis and I spoke, I told her about how I had been feeling. She got very quiet and told me she would call me back. She called a few days later and told me that I had gotten her pregnant. Immediately my symptoms disappeared. At first I thought that it was a quirky coincidence but as the pregnancy continued I felt more and more connected to her and her new baby. I would joke with her and tell her that she was having my baby. I was as involved with this pregnancy as I could be considering we live a couple of time zones away from each other.
We decided that I would have to be there for the birth. We worried a little about getting me there in time, but I think we all new deep down that there was no way I would miss it. I left Hubby and the Things in good hands (my mother in law's with my mom as backup) and flew across the country.
The timing was perfect. I got there a few days before my niece was born. The first day I was there I did Sis' belly cast. The second night we just hung out but when she went to bed I gave her and her man orders to get busy so we could get things moving. She seemed to have the look I see many moms get when they are close to going into labor. The next morning we went to her OB visit. She was 4cm and had some show (I'm sure the action the night before helped). Even though she wasn't contracting much, it was easy to see that she was in early labor. As we were leaving the office, her OB and midwife gave us instructions on what to do if she had the baby in the car. I loved hearing care providers talk about birth as something normal and not something to freak out about. We stopped at Trader Joe's on the way home to pick up snacks and stuff. That night we watched movies while I massaged her feet and belly with lavender oil. She woke me up around 3am and told me contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart. We left for the hospital about a half an hour later. When we got there Sis threw up as soon as she got in her room. She was checked and was 6 cm. We turned on her Hypnobirthing cd. For the next few hours we listened to the cd over and over. Sis seemed completely relaxed except for the occasional request for counter pressure on her back. Her man and I took turns holding her hand and pressing on her back. After a while we turned the cd off (I can't remember why we did). Sis got up and moved around a bit. It was amazing to watch her be so in tuned with her body and move exactly how her body and baby needed. Within moments Sis felt the urge to push. When they checked her she was complete but baby was still high. Sis pushed for a while but since Baby was posterior she wasn't moving down very quickly. The OB suggested getting Sis to lay on her belly to help baby turn (did I mention how much I loved this OB?) . Baby got into a good position pretty quickly and Sis had an even stronger urge to push. We were using a squat bar and while she was pushing she seemed to be afraid of the feeling. With each push she would jump from a squatting position to a standing position. I know I shouldn't laugh at any birthing mom, let alone my sister but, it was pretty funny to see her standing on the bed, holding on to the squat bar for dear life. Every time she would stop herself from pushing she would beg each of us to help her, to do something. She seemed to need to be reminded that none of us could do the work for her. At one point I asked her what she wanted us to do? She replied Take her out!". I asked her if she wanted a c-section (not because I thought she needed or would get one but to show her that she had to help herself). No one else seemed to know where I was going with this question because I heard at least two horrified "No!"s coming from her man and either the OB or the nurse. Sis was starting to lose her focus and I decided that she needed me to get firm with her. I told her to "Get down here and start pushing". That's when she hit me!
Ok, she didn't really hit me, she just slapped at my hand and her man's hand and told us to stop it. It worked though, she got back into a squat, bore down and pushed. For some reason none of us were looking at her during this push. I had been reaching for a washcloth (I don't know what the OB, her man, and the nurse were doing) when I turned back around, half of my niece's head was out. We all yelled for her to wait. The OB didn't even have her gloves on! Of course there was no waiting and one push later, her head was out. She leaned back onto the bed and pushed her the rest of the way out.
My beautiful niece was born at 8:37am. She was 6 lbs 14 oz and 19 inches long.
The OB waited patiently for Sis to birth the placenta. While she waited we chatted about her twins and how more than 20% moms in her practice have unmedicated births.
Baby Girl breastfed right away and was skin to skin with her mommy for the first hour of her life. Then she had bonding time with her Daddy. When I finally got to hold her I looked at her and immediately felt a connection I can't really explain. It was like I already knew her, like she had been a part of me too.
I stayed with this wonderful new family for a few more days and then came back home to my own. It was so wonderful to be able to be a part of this birth. I didn't think it was possible but, this experience made my connection to my sister even stronger.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
When You Trust In Your Physician..
...what you get is what you got. Cause when they own the information they can bend it all they want.
I attended a C-Birth this week. My client E was planning her second VBAC. Her first baby was breech and she had an empowering vaginal birth with her second baby. She had the same care provider this time as she did with the second baby, so we figured this third birth would be a breeze. No reason to suspect that this doctor was not on board with VBACs, right?
Her first two babies were born a week or so past her EDD and they were both over 9lbs. I was not surprised when she reached 41 weeks. What did surprise me was her phone call telling me that Doctor wanted her to get to the hospital within the next 2 hours because a c-section needed to be done right away. Why, you ask? Because baby was measuring 10lbs 4 oz! Oh my goodness, the horror!
E and I talked about how ultrasounds were notorious for being off when it comes to weight. She said she asked about that & her doctor said that wasn't true. This baby was huge and it would be way too dangerous for her to try to birth such a big baby naturally. Never mind the fact that 3 years ago her VBAC baby was 9 & 1/2 pounds.
My client decided to trust the information she was being given and went to the hospital.
Just before going in for surgery Doctor stopped by to talk with E. She told her that she still hadn't changed her mind about E needing surgery just because E didn't want it. Doctor was so confident that baby was dangerously large that she said she would fire her ultrasound tech if she wound up being wrong. She also said that even if E wasn't a VBAC she wouldn't "let" her birth such a big baby vaginally.
E had decided to get her tubes tied during the surgery. While explaining the risks of this additional procedure this doctor proceeded to say that VBACS were almost (but not quite) as "life threatening" as tubal pregnancies. Yes, she used the term "life threatening" to describe a VBAC! The same thing she had supported a little over 3 years ago is now life threatening???
A less than 1% chance of uterine rupture makes VBACs almost as life threatening as a tubal pregnancy??? My eyes are about to roll out of my head!
So we get into the OR and as baby is being born the doctor keeps talking about how big this baby is. She's so big that they needed to use the vacuum to get her out (because she's big, not because she's not ready to be born yet *eye roll*).
Baby girl was born and went off with dad to the recovery area while Doctor finished taking care of E. When mom and baby were reunited we found out that E had given birth to her smallest baby. She was 8 lbs 11 oz, approximately a pound an and a half smaller than predicted. What did Doctor have to say about being wrong? "At least you got a tubal out of the deal", "Maybe during the ultrasound she stuck out her rump to make herself look bigger".
Arrrrrgggh! I'm so frustrated!
I am so sick of watching women being lied to, being manipulated into doing what their "care" providers want them to. I'm sick of women allowing themselves to be lied to and manipulated. I'm tired of watching women give up their power. I'm tired of watching medical professionals put convenience, money, politics, and power above what is best for women and their babies.
I'm sick of women having fewer and fewer birthing options. I want them to have evidenced based care, not care based on fear of lawsuits. I want women to be educated enough to know the difference.
As I listened to John Mayer's words tonight I started to feel defeated. I listened to him sing about seeing everything going wrong but not having the means to change it. I listened to him talk about caring but also knowing that the fight is unfair so he and his friends are just gonna sit back & wait for change to happen.
Then I started to think about my last client and her long but amazing home birth. I started to think of my repeat client who had a great hospital birth last time but is so excited about her upcoming home birth. I was reminded by Jane of her 14 year old client who gave birth on her own terms and is successfully breastfeeding and slinging her baby.
As much as I love John and his music, I realized I don't have to "keep on Waiting on the World to Change". My fellow birth junkies and I are changing the world one woman at a time.
I attended a C-Birth this week. My client E was planning her second VBAC. Her first baby was breech and she had an empowering vaginal birth with her second baby. She had the same care provider this time as she did with the second baby, so we figured this third birth would be a breeze. No reason to suspect that this doctor was not on board with VBACs, right?
Her first two babies were born a week or so past her EDD and they were both over 9lbs. I was not surprised when she reached 41 weeks. What did surprise me was her phone call telling me that Doctor wanted her to get to the hospital within the next 2 hours because a c-section needed to be done right away. Why, you ask? Because baby was measuring 10lbs 4 oz! Oh my goodness, the horror!
E and I talked about how ultrasounds were notorious for being off when it comes to weight. She said she asked about that & her doctor said that wasn't true. This baby was huge and it would be way too dangerous for her to try to birth such a big baby naturally. Never mind the fact that 3 years ago her VBAC baby was 9 & 1/2 pounds.
My client decided to trust the information she was being given and went to the hospital.
Just before going in for surgery Doctor stopped by to talk with E. She told her that she still hadn't changed her mind about E needing surgery just because E didn't want it. Doctor was so confident that baby was dangerously large that she said she would fire her ultrasound tech if she wound up being wrong. She also said that even if E wasn't a VBAC she wouldn't "let" her birth such a big baby vaginally.
E had decided to get her tubes tied during the surgery. While explaining the risks of this additional procedure this doctor proceeded to say that VBACS were almost (but not quite) as "life threatening" as tubal pregnancies. Yes, she used the term "life threatening" to describe a VBAC! The same thing she had supported a little over 3 years ago is now life threatening???
A less than 1% chance of uterine rupture makes VBACs almost as life threatening as a tubal pregnancy??? My eyes are about to roll out of my head!
So we get into the OR and as baby is being born the doctor keeps talking about how big this baby is. She's so big that they needed to use the vacuum to get her out (because she's big, not because she's not ready to be born yet *eye roll*).
Baby girl was born and went off with dad to the recovery area while Doctor finished taking care of E. When mom and baby were reunited we found out that E had given birth to her smallest baby. She was 8 lbs 11 oz, approximately a pound an and a half smaller than predicted. What did Doctor have to say about being wrong? "At least you got a tubal out of the deal", "Maybe during the ultrasound she stuck out her rump to make herself look bigger".
Arrrrrgggh! I'm so frustrated!
I am so sick of watching women being lied to, being manipulated into doing what their "care" providers want them to. I'm sick of women allowing themselves to be lied to and manipulated. I'm tired of watching women give up their power. I'm tired of watching medical professionals put convenience, money, politics, and power above what is best for women and their babies.
I'm sick of women having fewer and fewer birthing options. I want them to have evidenced based care, not care based on fear of lawsuits. I want women to be educated enough to know the difference.
As I listened to John Mayer's words tonight I started to feel defeated. I listened to him sing about seeing everything going wrong but not having the means to change it. I listened to him talk about caring but also knowing that the fight is unfair so he and his friends are just gonna sit back & wait for change to happen.
Then I started to think about my last client and her long but amazing home birth. I started to think of my repeat client who had a great hospital birth last time but is so excited about her upcoming home birth. I was reminded by Jane of her 14 year old client who gave birth on her own terms and is successfully breastfeeding and slinging her baby.
As much as I love John and his music, I realized I don't have to "keep on Waiting on the World to Change". My fellow birth junkies and I are changing the world one woman at a time.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Page 27 Says You Should Have Come By Now...
I recently attended my longest birth yet.
From the time I was hired I knew this experience would be challenging. My client L had been through 3 or 4 care providers before settling on a home birth, had read over 30 books about childbirth and breastfeeding before taking a single childbirth class (I think she only wound up taking 2 series of classes) and she had a written a 3 page birth plan before she was 8 weeks. An informed consumer or a control freak? You decide.
I got a call around 8:30 Friday night telling me her water broke but she wasn't having any contractions. She said she was going to bed & would call me when she needed me. She called me Saturday morning to tell me she had been having contractions and lots of bloody show. I fully expected to be going to a birth on Saturday but by 3pm that afternoon she called me to say her midwife had come by to check on her & her water had not broken (she now thinks it was pee) and that her contractions had stopped completely.
Skip to 6am Sunday. My client's familiar ring tone on my cell phone woke me. I answered, trying desperately to sound alert. Her husband told me that she had been contracting every 5 minutes since 3am and they were ready for me to head over. I said I was on my way but I stayed in bed another hour which is not something I typically do but my gut told me L didn't really need me yet. At a little after 7am I felt bad for saying I was on my way when I really wasn't. I got up, got dressed, packed my bag full of snacks and other things I might need, and headed out the door.
I got there an hour later (yes, she lives an hour away, less when I don't get lost but she's far) and she was clearly in early early labor. She was laughing and talking even smiling at me at the beginning and end of each contraction. I sat and made small talk, observed her for a little while and realized that I needed coffee. Since she lives so far away I didn't want to drive all the way home and back so I decided to take a trip to Starbucks. I got my coffee, a second breakfast (I ate oatmeal in the car on the way there) and went back to the house prepared for a long day.
At one point, we decided to go for a walk, We walked to the park stopping occasionally for contractions. Once we got there, the idea to have her get on the teeter-totter hit me. I figured it would help her get into some nice deep squats. Oh, the things we'll come up with to get things moving. At around noon, just for the fun of it, we started making baby stat predictions (weight, length, time of birth) . I knew they wouldn't like my guess about the time of birth but I said 4:52am or sometime before the sun came up. L guessed 10pm and dad guessed midnight. None of us were right.
I spent much of the day trying to figure out how to get this mom out of her head and into her body. When I first got to the house she & her husband still had birth books on the table. I told her that we were done reading about labor, it was time to just do it. This mom wanted to analyze and describe every contraction and movement of the baby. She asked me at least 20 times if this or that was normal or if it was something I had seen happen before. Finally I told her (in the nicest way) that I wasn't going to answer any more questions. I kept reminding her that she had to stop trying to think about this labor.
Around 7pm she started showing signs of shifting into active labor. One of the midwives came by to check on her. A vaginal exam was done at about 8pm and she was 4-5 cm. This was great! By 11pm or so she was 7-8. She really seemed to be progressing quickly. The other midwife came and I figured we'd be having a baby soon.
After that time starts to blur. I don't know what happened but labor went on and on. I remember laying in the bed on one side of her with her hubby on the other and falling asleep but still being able to hear her. While dozing I felt the need to tell her to slow down her breathing and to take nice deep breaths for the baby. I know I was asleep when I said that but I'm sure I said it out loud. I think around 2:30 am I laid on the couch and took an actual nap. One of her midwives was sleeping on the floor while the other one was in the bedroom with L and her husband. Part of me feels guilty for sleeping on the job but the other part of me knows she was well taken care of by her midwives too.
At sometime around 4am one of the midwives checked her and she was 9cm. I dragged myself off of the couch and went back in the bedroom convinced we'd be having a baby soon. Unfortunately I was wrong. L continued to labor. I believe that she still was trying to think through this labor. I remember her asking one of the midwives what pushing would feel like and her midwife said "I don't know, why don't you tell me when you're done?" What a smart midwife!
L started pushing around 9am. She pushed and pushed. At one point she looked at me and said "Let it go?" Finally she got it! I nodded and she continued to push. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at 12:07 pm.
At many times during this labor I cursed the fact that I'm a doula. I swore I was going to retire after this birth. The pay wasn't worth spending hours (sometimes days) away from my family, having to stress about child care, missing appointments, cancelling plans at the last minute, being on call for weeks on end, and dealing with exhaustion. Just before I was getting ready to leave L reminded me of why I do this and why I love it. After she showered she asked me if I would blow dry her hair. She had done most of her laboring in the pool and she was sick of having wet hair. I told her "Of course. I brushed and dried her hair and chatted with her about how amazing she was, about her beautiful baby and about how proud we both (she and I) were of her. When she was finished I noticed she was quietly crying. I asked "What is it?" She started to pat my leg and told me that I had done so much for her, above and beyond what she would expect anyone to do. She hugged me and thanked me so much.
How could I not love this job?
From the time I was hired I knew this experience would be challenging. My client L had been through 3 or 4 care providers before settling on a home birth, had read over 30 books about childbirth and breastfeeding before taking a single childbirth class (I think she only wound up taking 2 series of classes) and she had a written a 3 page birth plan before she was 8 weeks. An informed consumer or a control freak? You decide.
I got a call around 8:30 Friday night telling me her water broke but she wasn't having any contractions. She said she was going to bed & would call me when she needed me. She called me Saturday morning to tell me she had been having contractions and lots of bloody show. I fully expected to be going to a birth on Saturday but by 3pm that afternoon she called me to say her midwife had come by to check on her & her water had not broken (she now thinks it was pee) and that her contractions had stopped completely.
Skip to 6am Sunday. My client's familiar ring tone on my cell phone woke me. I answered, trying desperately to sound alert. Her husband told me that she had been contracting every 5 minutes since 3am and they were ready for me to head over. I said I was on my way but I stayed in bed another hour which is not something I typically do but my gut told me L didn't really need me yet. At a little after 7am I felt bad for saying I was on my way when I really wasn't. I got up, got dressed, packed my bag full of snacks and other things I might need, and headed out the door.
I got there an hour later (yes, she lives an hour away, less when I don't get lost but she's far) and she was clearly in early early labor. She was laughing and talking even smiling at me at the beginning and end of each contraction. I sat and made small talk, observed her for a little while and realized that I needed coffee. Since she lives so far away I didn't want to drive all the way home and back so I decided to take a trip to Starbucks. I got my coffee, a second breakfast (I ate oatmeal in the car on the way there) and went back to the house prepared for a long day.
At one point, we decided to go for a walk, We walked to the park stopping occasionally for contractions. Once we got there, the idea to have her get on the teeter-totter hit me. I figured it would help her get into some nice deep squats. Oh, the things we'll come up with to get things moving. At around noon, just for the fun of it, we started making baby stat predictions (weight, length, time of birth) . I knew they wouldn't like my guess about the time of birth but I said 4:52am or sometime before the sun came up. L guessed 10pm and dad guessed midnight. None of us were right.
I spent much of the day trying to figure out how to get this mom out of her head and into her body. When I first got to the house she & her husband still had birth books on the table. I told her that we were done reading about labor, it was time to just do it. This mom wanted to analyze and describe every contraction and movement of the baby. She asked me at least 20 times if this or that was normal or if it was something I had seen happen before. Finally I told her (in the nicest way) that I wasn't going to answer any more questions. I kept reminding her that she had to stop trying to think about this labor.
Around 7pm she started showing signs of shifting into active labor. One of the midwives came by to check on her. A vaginal exam was done at about 8pm and she was 4-5 cm. This was great! By 11pm or so she was 7-8. She really seemed to be progressing quickly. The other midwife came and I figured we'd be having a baby soon.
After that time starts to blur. I don't know what happened but labor went on and on. I remember laying in the bed on one side of her with her hubby on the other and falling asleep but still being able to hear her. While dozing I felt the need to tell her to slow down her breathing and to take nice deep breaths for the baby. I know I was asleep when I said that but I'm sure I said it out loud. I think around 2:30 am I laid on the couch and took an actual nap. One of her midwives was sleeping on the floor while the other one was in the bedroom with L and her husband. Part of me feels guilty for sleeping on the job but the other part of me knows she was well taken care of by her midwives too.
At sometime around 4am one of the midwives checked her and she was 9cm. I dragged myself off of the couch and went back in the bedroom convinced we'd be having a baby soon. Unfortunately I was wrong. L continued to labor. I believe that she still was trying to think through this labor. I remember her asking one of the midwives what pushing would feel like and her midwife said "I don't know, why don't you tell me when you're done?" What a smart midwife!
L started pushing around 9am. She pushed and pushed. At one point she looked at me and said "Let it go?" Finally she got it! I nodded and she continued to push. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at 12:07 pm.
At many times during this labor I cursed the fact that I'm a doula. I swore I was going to retire after this birth. The pay wasn't worth spending hours (sometimes days) away from my family, having to stress about child care, missing appointments, cancelling plans at the last minute, being on call for weeks on end, and dealing with exhaustion. Just before I was getting ready to leave L reminded me of why I do this and why I love it. After she showered she asked me if I would blow dry her hair. She had done most of her laboring in the pool and she was sick of having wet hair. I told her "Of course. I brushed and dried her hair and chatted with her about how amazing she was, about her beautiful baby and about how proud we both (she and I) were of her. When she was finished I noticed she was quietly crying. I asked "What is it?" She started to pat my leg and told me that I had done so much for her, above and beyond what she would expect anyone to do. She hugged me and thanked me so much.
How could I not love this job?
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