Monday, March 19, 2007

If Trouble Was Money

I think I have figured out the main lesson I was supposed to learn about the Twilight Zone birth. I can not be motivated by money when I take a birth. Every time I am it winds up being a not so pleasant experience. I can think of two other times that this has happened. This one was the worst.
My biggest reason for becoming a doula is wanting to care for and support birthing women. Most of the time, when I take a client, getting paid for my services is important, but money is really a secondary thing. This time the order was reversed.
I got the call requesting my help and my first thought was "I'm available and this is unexpected money, so why not?". As a matter of fact, that thought played a role in my deciding to discounted my fee by almost 50%. I knew they were calling at the last minute, had limited funds and had already been turned down by another doula. Of course I wanted to help them but I also saw it as an opportunity to make a quick buck.
I hate admitting that my primary motivation when agreeing to be their doula wasn't a strong desire to help. Of course, I don't feel that my misguided motive is the reason why the experience was as unfavorable as it was. I do think though, that it played a huge part in why I didn't pick up on all the red flags that surrounded the situation.
Even though I can look back and see the things I could have, and probably should have, done differently, not having my priorities in order is the biggest.


Michelle said...

That makes so much sense. I'm glad you reached this insight!

Connie said...

It makes my heart swell to know that you are truly learning the lessons that life has offered you.